This weekend I got told by my friend and her boyfriend;
"The worst thing to hear at a wedding is 'It'll be you next'"
To which I replied;
"No. The worst thing to hear at a wedding is 'You need to get yourself a boyfriend'"
This single-girl rant has probably been a long time coming. My biggest issue when it comes to everyone else's interest in my relationship status is why I have to justify my singleton-ness to anyone other than myself?
To be blunt, what's so bad about being single anyway? I get to watch as much Kardashian's as I like, decorate my flat in all things floral and get to see my girlfriends when ever the hell I like (as long as their boyfriends approve, obviously). Plus I get to fantasise about every guy I come across and wonder if he will be the one who I will fall madly in love with... OK, so I try to keep this little bit of crazy just in my head.
I am 25, not 45. This left on the shelf nonsense has got to stop. I am not exaggerating here, I have heard this phrase on more than one occasion quite recently.
I suppose I aspire to be fiercely independent, after all I am a result of the Girl Power generation. Also, lets not forget I graduated with a 1st Class Honours in the study of Sex and the City, getting exceptional grades in the importance of friendships over boys. I think I have always been influenced by strong, female role models. A big role model in my life is my Mother, she is most definitely the head of our house hold. She holds the purse strings, is very in-control and still makes all of the important decisions - including mine! She follows other strong women in our family too; her Aunt was an uncharacteristically strong women for her time. She was the main bread winner in her family unit and ran a workforce of seamstresses during the Second World War in London. I suppose I have always wanted to be a strong, independent, self sufficient female. I love fending for myself, I love answering to no-one but myself. I love that I am not putting up with a mediocre relationship because I am too scared to be alone. But it is important to note I am not exactly a loner; I am lucky to have my family around me who really do support me in everything I do.
Am I a feminist? I'm not too sure but to be honest I bloody hope I am. I admit that I do not know enough about feminism to say too much here, but what I believe the officially strapline to be is; a women's right to choice. A women's right to choose to be a stay at home housewife or not, to choose weather to have a family or not and to choose to be in a relationship or not. And at the moment my choice is not.
It has crossed my mind recently if I ever will get married. If I don't get married it wouldn't be through not meeting a guy who wants to marry me (have you read some of our Saturday night antics?!), but simply through my choice. Of course I want to get married and have a family but I may not choose that path when it actually comes down to it.
To put it quite simply; I have not yet met the man I deem worthy enough to remove myself from the market for. I have been told recently by several people that I am too fussy. Well, what a lovely position to be in. I think my teenage self would love to have been fussy about boys. Let's hope I pick well.
Wednesday 31 October 2012
Friday 26 October 2012
Crushing
Having a crush is bitter sweet.
A friend of mine split up with a very long term boyfriend nearly two years ago. I am sure she won't mind me saying that she struggled getting over him and that only recently has she started to get involved with new boys. She has also developed a little crush on her boss.I know, very cliche, especially as he is engaged to someone else. Crushing on unavailable people is very common when your attempting to get over someone, when perhaps your feeling a bit low on the self confidence front. Your crush being with someone else is the perfect excuse not to act on your feelings and risk getting hurt all over again.This crushing on your boss thing is quite common. I know another friend who claims she is 'in love' with her boss and has been for quite some time, who again is involved with someone else.
I am naive in most things, but I think I am quite realistic when it comes to relationships. Recently I have realised that being in a long term relationship, whether it be 5 years or 35 years, doesn't mean you will never have feelings for anyone else ever again. Just because you have committed yourself to this other person cannot prevent you coming across someone else you have strong feelings for. The crushing is not an issue, it is kind of inevitable, but its how you deal with it or react to it which can lead to all sorts of issues. Obviously I am writing from a single status point of view and do not claim to be a relationship expert whatsoever.
To flip this on its head, another friend of mine is in a long term relationship and sometimes participates in FB flirting with someone they met nearly ten years ago. It is just FB flirting and they tell me their partner is well aware of it.
Crushes are fantasies. I am a big day dreamer and love nothing more than fantasising about all sorts of situations and relationships. For some people it's a distraction from day-to-day boredom and perhaps even relationship boredom, but in reality these crushes or fantasies may not only work out well but may not meet your high expectations either.
To conclude, in my opinion keep your crush just as that; a fantasy.
A friend of mine split up with a very long term boyfriend nearly two years ago. I am sure she won't mind me saying that she struggled getting over him and that only recently has she started to get involved with new boys. She has also developed a little crush on her boss.I know, very cliche, especially as he is engaged to someone else. Crushing on unavailable people is very common when your attempting to get over someone, when perhaps your feeling a bit low on the self confidence front. Your crush being with someone else is the perfect excuse not to act on your feelings and risk getting hurt all over again.This crushing on your boss thing is quite common. I know another friend who claims she is 'in love' with her boss and has been for quite some time, who again is involved with someone else.
I am naive in most things, but I think I am quite realistic when it comes to relationships. Recently I have realised that being in a long term relationship, whether it be 5 years or 35 years, doesn't mean you will never have feelings for anyone else ever again. Just because you have committed yourself to this other person cannot prevent you coming across someone else you have strong feelings for. The crushing is not an issue, it is kind of inevitable, but its how you deal with it or react to it which can lead to all sorts of issues. Obviously I am writing from a single status point of view and do not claim to be a relationship expert whatsoever.
To flip this on its head, another friend of mine is in a long term relationship and sometimes participates in FB flirting with someone they met nearly ten years ago. It is just FB flirting and they tell me their partner is well aware of it.
Crushes are fantasies. I am a big day dreamer and love nothing more than fantasising about all sorts of situations and relationships. For some people it's a distraction from day-to-day boredom and perhaps even relationship boredom, but in reality these crushes or fantasies may not only work out well but may not meet your high expectations either.
To conclude, in my opinion keep your crush just as that; a fantasy.
Tuesday 23 October 2012
A bit of background information
With this blog in it's early stages of conception, I've been relying on the opinions of my friends to let me know if my ramblings are genuinely interesting. I've been told they sort of are.
One of my work colleges, who I shall refer to as Brooke (she requested this pseudonym - I think she's guna like it). Well anyway, Brooke said that she wants to read more about me. Funny that, I thought I was always quite good at telling people all about myself. I thought perhaps what I need to write is a scene-setting post. So here goes.
I guess I should start back at 16. I suppose I was a typical teenager; obsessed about finding a boyfriend, worrying about what colour Barcadi Breezer to take to Ed's party at the weekend and full of teenage angst about being fat or ugly;
This sort of brings me up-to-date. 25 and making the most of being young, free and single, and sort of making up for those wild times I was too silly not to take advantage of at Uni. I have met some really good friends who are the most un-judgemental people I have probably ever met and yes, we enjoy a drink on a Saturday night. As I hope you have gathered I do not sleep around, it's just not really my thing, but at the moment I am loving getting myself out there and meeting some interesting and not so interesting boys. As I said to my Mum tonight; I am just making the most of being young!
One of my work colleges, who I shall refer to as Brooke (she requested this pseudonym - I think she's guna like it). Well anyway, Brooke said that she wants to read more about me. Funny that, I thought I was always quite good at telling people all about myself. I thought perhaps what I need to write is a scene-setting post. So here goes.
I guess I should start back at 16. I suppose I was a typical teenager; obsessed about finding a boyfriend, worrying about what colour Barcadi Breezer to take to Ed's party at the weekend and full of teenage angst about being fat or ugly;
1st July 2003When I was about 18 I landed my first boyfriend and it was love. Mr Reliable was everything the parents could wish for; smart, sensible, cheeky, a little bit rich. Don't get me wrong that was everything I wished for too, but I hadn't thought about what would happen when we both moved away to University and met lots of new interesting people. March 2007, first year of Uni, age 20 we split up.
The past three weeks have gone really well on the diet front. I've lost 9 pounds. But you have to take the time of day into account and Dad just came back from the Esso - I persuaded him to get me a Curly Wurly! Argh! Now it lays beside me, what to do?! Everyday I say I'll go on a bike ride but I keep forgetting. Tomorrow I will DEFINITELY go on the bike ride whilst listening to Busted. See how many songs I can bike for.
Monday 22nd January 2007My young, free Uni days were not that wild. In fact, they were far from wild. Nothing too naughty to report other than many a drunken night on Asda own vodka and a few end of the night snogs. I did make some really good friends though, most of which are still in my life (there's a lot more to this story - definitely needs it's own post). I did become a little naughty when I hit 21 though. I met Mr Rebellious. He was everything the parents did not wish for; an unreliable, little bit dodgy, pot head. Unfortunately for them this was everything I had wished for; it was lust.
I really feel awful saying this because it feels if I say it it becomes true. I kind of feel weird with Mr Reliable. I kind of feel I need more fun and passion! Everything seems to have become a bit of a drag... I find myself wanting to talk and dance with guys and generally have fun! ...But don't get me wrong, I do really care for him, he will be really upset, it's not like I want to dump him but just see where he is at.
Wednesday 7th January 2009...Nearly two years of on-again off-again and I was finally done with Mr Rebellious. It sort of coincided with finishing Uni and starting my 'proper' job. I think I actually thought I should grow up and out of this dysfunctional relationship. Plus he went a bit strange in the end, moving away to live with his Dad then struggled with some mental health issues. Obviously this had nothing to do with all the weed. I spent the next year dealing with my broken heart, just to get it broken again by someone I thought was my best friend (again, this probably needs it's own post). But some amazing stuff happened too; I got my car and I got my flat.
Speaking of Mr Rebellious it's all pretty weird. He came over a bit over crimbo, met the folks etc. Mother wasn't too impressed! Had fun though over the past few weeks so can't be that bad. Thing is I like spending time with him and stuff but I can't really see things going anywhere he really isn't the sort of person I can have a relationship with, we kind of come from different worlds.
This sort of brings me up-to-date. 25 and making the most of being young, free and single, and sort of making up for those wild times I was too silly not to take advantage of at Uni. I have met some really good friends who are the most un-judgemental people I have probably ever met and yes, we enjoy a drink on a Saturday night. As I hope you have gathered I do not sleep around, it's just not really my thing, but at the moment I am loving getting myself out there and meeting some interesting and not so interesting boys. As I said to my Mum tonight; I am just making the most of being young!
Monday 22 October 2012
The Benefit of the Doubt
With all the self-training I have been undergoing with my fellow FPUAs I feel I have got kinda good at the meeting the guys thing. The flirting, the chat and in more recent weeks the snogging in the middle of the dance floor I am quickly becoming a natural at. It's the next bit I always have trouble with.
Firstly there's the number swap. To-date I have never asked a guy for his number, however if he asks for mine I usually oblige. Here follows one of two things; either he will drunkenly text later that night/the next day, with something along the lines off 'You have a good night?' or he will drop off the face of the earth into the solar system of forgotten boys. The three day rule made famous by teen films in the 90s/00s no longer appears to apply.
There is however a new element to this next bit, you could call it an extension; Facebook. Personally, I would never add a new boy on Facebook for fear of being labelled a 'stalker' or 'psycho'. Also, there's the bit a few weeks down the line when you have forgotten all about him, your news feed is full of un-funny comments on a picture/wall post you know nothing about. Saying all this however, if he adds you then this is the quite obviously the green light for a little inbox banter.
OK, so even this bit I can kinda do. As you've just read, I am quite rehearsed in it. It's the next bit I think I need more practise at.
You know the bit in Bridget Jones when she's flirting with Daniel Cleaver across the office and immediately imagines them on their wedding day? Yea, well that's me. I jump the gun big time. Yes, I know its a little nuts, well OK, massively nuts, but I think I do it because above all I am an idealist.
I like to think this amazing guy for me will come along one day and I will just 'know', just like all your friends in long-term relationships tell you you will. To be honest, this is so ridiculous it is probably worthy of another post. My point here is this; if I don't feel something for a guy in the first few moments of meeting him then I toss him onto the 'not for me' pile and move on to the next. I would love to be cool and date lots of guys (when I say date I actually mean date, no funny business) but perhaps I'm not giving these nice boys the BOD.
So with this in mind, Oil asked me out again for a little drink. Perhaps I should accept this second opportunity and give him just that; the BOD.
Firstly there's the number swap. To-date I have never asked a guy for his number, however if he asks for mine I usually oblige. Here follows one of two things; either he will drunkenly text later that night/the next day, with something along the lines off 'You have a good night?' or he will drop off the face of the earth into the solar system of forgotten boys. The three day rule made famous by teen films in the 90s/00s no longer appears to apply.
There is however a new element to this next bit, you could call it an extension; Facebook. Personally, I would never add a new boy on Facebook for fear of being labelled a 'stalker' or 'psycho'. Also, there's the bit a few weeks down the line when you have forgotten all about him, your news feed is full of un-funny comments on a picture/wall post you know nothing about. Saying all this however, if he adds you then this is the quite obviously the green light for a little inbox banter.
OK, so even this bit I can kinda do. As you've just read, I am quite rehearsed in it. It's the next bit I think I need more practise at.
You know the bit in Bridget Jones when she's flirting with Daniel Cleaver across the office and immediately imagines them on their wedding day? Yea, well that's me. I jump the gun big time. Yes, I know its a little nuts, well OK, massively nuts, but I think I do it because above all I am an idealist.
I like to think this amazing guy for me will come along one day and I will just 'know', just like all your friends in long-term relationships tell you you will. To be honest, this is so ridiculous it is probably worthy of another post. My point here is this; if I don't feel something for a guy in the first few moments of meeting him then I toss him onto the 'not for me' pile and move on to the next. I would love to be cool and date lots of guys (when I say date I actually mean date, no funny business) but perhaps I'm not giving these nice boys the BOD.
So with this in mind, Oil asked me out again for a little drink. Perhaps I should accept this second opportunity and give him just that; the BOD.
Friday 19 October 2012
Finalised: 30 Things to Do Before 30
Nearly a year after thinking this up I have finalised my list of 30 things to do before 30. I have just over 4 years to tick all this things of my list. I will use shelsdiary.blogspot to document each one; you lucky people get to achieve all these things with me!
So, in no particular order...
1. Volunteer my time - dedicate some free time to a really good cause
2. Raise/donate at least £2000 for charity across 5 years - already raised £88, every little helps!
3. Get on TV - in the background or on the news, perhaps be an extra for a day
4. Be courageous - stare my fear in the face!
5. Learn to ski or snowboard on real live snow
6. Ride a motorbike
8. Go skinny dipping
9. Snog a teenager - probably do this every Saturday night, oh well, snog thousands of teenagers?!
10. Visit Oz
11. Fall crazily in love
12. Get another tattoo - one I love, with a great meaning
13. Make my parents see how much they mean to me and how grateful I am to have them
14. Visit Paris and back - in one day
15. Be spontaneous and adventurous - take off for a holiday with no plans or reservations
16. Be confident with my body for once in my life - pose for naked snaps!
17. Run a 10k
18. Learn to meditate
19. Get something published - an article, blog or story. Get a little famous and keep the evidence (shelsdiary doesn't count...)
20. Win money on the lottery - gotta be in it to win it
21. Give blood
22. Take an evening course - baking, photography, a language, anything! Learn something new
23. A yacht, the sun and very expensive champagne
24. Road trip in the US of A. Route 66?!
25. 365 Project - take one photo a day for an entire year
26. Meet someone famous
27. Go back to dance lessons
28. Watch the sun rise
29. Get to £30k a year salary
30. Live abroad - even if it is only for a little bit
Right, which one first?
So, in no particular order...
1. Volunteer my time - dedicate some free time to a really good cause
2. Raise/donate at least £2000 for charity across 5 years - already raised £88, every little helps!
3. Get on TV - in the background or on the news, perhaps be an extra for a day
4. Be courageous - stare my fear in the face!
5. Learn to ski or snowboard on real live snow
6. Ride a motorbike
8. Go skinny dipping
9. Snog a teenager - probably do this every Saturday night, oh well, snog thousands of teenagers?!
10. Visit Oz
11. Fall crazily in love
12. Get another tattoo - one I love, with a great meaning
13. Make my parents see how much they mean to me and how grateful I am to have them
14. Visit Paris and back - in one day
15. Be spontaneous and adventurous - take off for a holiday with no plans or reservations
16. Be confident with my body for once in my life - pose for naked snaps!
17. Run a 10k
18. Learn to meditate
19. Get something published - an article, blog or story. Get a little famous and keep the evidence (shelsdiary doesn't count...)
20. Win money on the lottery - gotta be in it to win it
21. Give blood
22. Take an evening course - baking, photography, a language, anything! Learn something new
23. A yacht, the sun and very expensive champagne
24. Road trip in the US of A. Route 66?!
25. 365 Project - take one photo a day for an entire year
26. Meet someone famous
27. Go back to dance lessons
28. Watch the sun rise
29. Get to £30k a year salary
30. Live abroad - even if it is only for a little bit
Right, which one first?
Monday 15 October 2012
Super Saturday
My Saturday evening usually goes like this; wine, Strictly, shower, tan, wine, The Rose, vodka, dance floor, boys, Jager, boys, probably a bit more Jager, pizza shop, pjs, drunken chit chat with the girls with a lot of belly laughing. This weekend did not disappoint.
Saturday night we dressed up as Superhero's, not just to look fit in skin tight spandex and super long eyelashes, but to also celebrate a friends birthday. After all the obvious characters got shotgunned on the event's Facebook wall, I decided on the Black Widow, aka Scarlett Johanson. I know what your thinking, clearly an obvious choice.
By 8 on Friday I was looking hot, or so my fellow FPUAs lead me to believe. I had squeezed myself into my Primark skin tight wet look leggings, teamed with matching peplum top and shiny red wig. I am not going to lie, kinda felt a bit like a Kardashian. Again, I blame the girls for this false confidence, oh and vodka.
I actually bumped into DW whilst at our favourite bar. I didn't physically bump into him, in fact I actually played it cool, that was until aloof looked kinda rude and I had to say hi. After the usual 'Hello, how are you...blah blah blah' he proceeded to tell me was involved in a dance off with a blonde girl. As one of the girls said; he was always a bit wierd.
During our Sunday morning de-brief over my now infamous breakfast baps, one of the girls added a new boy to our already extensive repertoire of nicknames. 'Jabber' joined the likes of 'Ticktac Teeth', 'Italian Chris', 'Rose Boy' and 'TT'. Good work girls :)
Xx
For all abbreviations see my cheat list
Saturday night we dressed up as Superhero's, not just to look fit in skin tight spandex and super long eyelashes, but to also celebrate a friends birthday. After all the obvious characters got shotgunned on the event's Facebook wall, I decided on the Black Widow, aka Scarlett Johanson. I know what your thinking, clearly an obvious choice.
By 8 on Friday I was looking hot, or so my fellow FPUAs lead me to believe. I had squeezed myself into my Primark skin tight wet look leggings, teamed with matching peplum top and shiny red wig. I am not going to lie, kinda felt a bit like a Kardashian. Again, I blame the girls for this false confidence, oh and vodka.
I actually bumped into DW whilst at our favourite bar. I didn't physically bump into him, in fact I actually played it cool, that was until aloof looked kinda rude and I had to say hi. After the usual 'Hello, how are you...blah blah blah' he proceeded to tell me was involved in a dance off with a blonde girl. As one of the girls said; he was always a bit wierd.
During our Sunday morning de-brief over my now infamous breakfast baps, one of the girls added a new boy to our already extensive repertoire of nicknames. 'Jabber' joined the likes of 'Ticktac Teeth', 'Italian Chris', 'Rose Boy' and 'TT'. Good work girls :)
Xx
For all abbreviations see my cheat list
Mr Rebellious
Recently I have found myself thinking a lot about my ex-boyfriend, Mr Rebellious. I don't know why, it's been two years since we ended things. This is the longest time I have been single since being a teenager. If I am being completely honest with myself I am probably a little lonely.
I had a little look through my old diaries and found some really sweet entries, here's one from right at the very beginning:
However it is also worth noting that I am a complete romantic, a Romeo and Juliet type love story could be my idea of a romanticising the whole disaster relationship just so it doesn't feel like a massive waste of time.
I had a little look through my old diaries and found some really sweet entries, here's one from right at the very beginning:
Sunday 23rd November 2008I know the deal with good girls and bad boys; the girl thinks she can help him and that if he loves her enough then he will change, but he never does. You can never change someone. I think because Mr Rebellious has disappeared and I have heard all this scary stuff about him I think even more that I can help him.
I have had the most surreal couple of days. Mr Rebellious text me outta the blue on Wednesday asking about this date. I was a bit shocked and after few witty texts agreed it would be good...Was looking forward to work tonight and seeing him but when he comes in I act all weird - duno why. I think it's because I know I'm kinda on thin ice - like I could end up liking him when it's really inappropriate.
However it is also worth noting that I am a complete romantic, a Romeo and Juliet type love story could be my idea of a romanticising the whole disaster relationship just so it doesn't feel like a massive waste of time.
Tuesday 9 October 2012
Wowsa.
So much has happened over the last few months...
My bestest single friend (aka the Wifey) met a man, turned a little odd and swiftly moved out of my spare room. My saviours came in the shape off two newly single gal pals; old school friends whom I have rekindled friendships, with over lots of wine and Dissarano cranberries. These girls have been amazing, encouraging me to be just a little bit naughty with the boys and have joined me in getting drunk every Saturday night since May. That might explain my absence in writing - it's just too painful staring at a computer screen with a Jagerbomb hangover.
I am of course still selling bras and booze, but I think my focus has been elsewhere; either re-living the previous weekend's embarrassing Saturday night, or looking forward to the weekend's to come.
Myself and my new found gal pals have been pretty much focused on one thing: boys. Since reading Neil Straus' The Game we have been obsessed with a female equivilant, determined to translate some of his theories over to the blokes. We have experimented with opening lines; it turns out guys are pretty crap at being the forward ones, observed the numerous ways of peacocking, looked out for IOIs (indicators of interest) and have become self-proclaimed experts at negging*. We have turned into femail PUAs (pick up artists). The boys of Bedford had better watch out.
So I guess you could say I have been meeting quite a few guys, but the quality of these finds may have to be questioned. The latest boy was quite literally a boy; he was 20, at collage and worked behind the popcorn counter at Cineworld. What can I say? The possibility of cheap cinema tickets and an endless supply of pick and mix lured me to him across the dance floor of Hi Fi. That and his height. I can't really remember too much more about him.
Tomorrow's Wednesday - Hump Day. Too early to start thinking about this Saturday's shinanigans?
Shel x
*Negging - a term used by Neil Straus, and all Pick Up Artists in his book, referring to the technique of ignoring and then slightly insulting the lady they are interested in, only to compliment her and lure her in at the point she thinks he is not interested. Seems complicated but guys seem to love it. The more you take the piss out of them the more they love you.
My bestest single friend (aka the Wifey) met a man, turned a little odd and swiftly moved out of my spare room. My saviours came in the shape off two newly single gal pals; old school friends whom I have rekindled friendships, with over lots of wine and Dissarano cranberries. These girls have been amazing, encouraging me to be just a little bit naughty with the boys and have joined me in getting drunk every Saturday night since May. That might explain my absence in writing - it's just too painful staring at a computer screen with a Jagerbomb hangover.
I am of course still selling bras and booze, but I think my focus has been elsewhere; either re-living the previous weekend's embarrassing Saturday night, or looking forward to the weekend's to come.
Myself and my new found gal pals have been pretty much focused on one thing: boys. Since reading Neil Straus' The Game we have been obsessed with a female equivilant, determined to translate some of his theories over to the blokes. We have experimented with opening lines; it turns out guys are pretty crap at being the forward ones, observed the numerous ways of peacocking, looked out for IOIs (indicators of interest) and have become self-proclaimed experts at negging*. We have turned into femail PUAs (pick up artists). The boys of Bedford had better watch out.
So I guess you could say I have been meeting quite a few guys, but the quality of these finds may have to be questioned. The latest boy was quite literally a boy; he was 20, at collage and worked behind the popcorn counter at Cineworld. What can I say? The possibility of cheap cinema tickets and an endless supply of pick and mix lured me to him across the dance floor of Hi Fi. That and his height. I can't really remember too much more about him.
Tomorrow's Wednesday - Hump Day. Too early to start thinking about this Saturday's shinanigans?
Shel x
*Negging - a term used by Neil Straus, and all Pick Up Artists in his book, referring to the technique of ignoring and then slightly insulting the lady they are interested in, only to compliment her and lure her in at the point she thinks he is not interested. Seems complicated but guys seem to love it. The more you take the piss out of them the more they love you.
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