Two and half years ago I found myself in a sticky spot. A relationship I had been involved in for a year came to an abrupt end. I felt psychically and mentally unhealthy. My job, which was a major source of empowerment for me, turned sour. I was struggling to see straight.

In a nutshell I became super depressed. But, I had previous. I knew I had to take care of myself to get better. That there wasn't any other way out.


Firstly I smarted up my diet. I joined my local Slimming World, with the aim of gaining control of my very indulgent and very unhealthy eating habits. I wanted to lose 1 1/2 stone.

I also started to see a councillor. Every other Saturday morning I opened up to a stranger about all the things I felt.

I had a housemate at the time but I didn't feel too much fun to live with. Quite honestly I needed to be able to come home, take off the mask I wore at work all day and cry. He soon moved out.

As the months went on and the weight fell off I began to feel better. Soon I felt strong enough to job hunt. By the Christmas I'd reached my goal weight and I had a new job lined up.

At the time I was still experiencing depression but I was dealing with it, battling it.

In the January I decided I wanted to get physically fit. I was approaching 29 and I had my heart set on wearing the same outfit as I did for my 22nd birthday - only I wanted to look better in at 29. I started running.

I had previously dabbled in running but I never became fully dedicated. Initially I was running 3/4ks but by the time my birthday came round, late February, I was up to the 10k distance. I also started Pilates. I developed a sense of pleasure from exercising that I'd never felt before. I loved that during my run or Pilates class all my mental energy was focused on my bodily strength (and not my anxieties). It was one of the only times I didn't feel I was beating myself up.

All of these changes I had introduced really lifted my confidence. I began dating again. It was great dating. I would see a few different guys, nothing romantic - just spending time with different people, getting to know them and figuring out what it was that I wanted.

Soon I started spending a little more time with one; Mr Actually. I was attracted to his sense of adventure and his positive outlook. We would also spend quite a bit of time sharing our dreams in terms of lifestyle and family. We felt on the same page.

However. He was planning to go travelling.

Because of this I was super careful not to fall for him. I wanted people in my life who I could depend on, not people who would leave. Over a year we would see each other very sporadically. I'd put some space between us every time I felt I was getting a little too involved.

Over this time I lost sight a little of looking after myself. I was still running, just not as much as I had been, my diet was OK but difficult when you're in the throws of dating, eating out and cocktails. Quite honestly my focus shifted from myself onto him.

When he left in May I was quite certain I wouldn't hear from him again, despite him constantly insisting that would never happen. I just couldn't believe him - I wanted to of course, I just had to play it safe.

Two months after he left we were still in frequent contact. Texts most days, a call every few days. He would tell me how much he wished I was there with him, how one day we'll be doing all the things we used to dream about together. My resolve in not believing this guy began to soften.

He had always liked the idea of me flying out to meet him somewhere mid-travels. A break in his trip between South East Asia and Australia. He continued to mention this in the months after he left so I booked flights and started planning our trip to Bali.

I spent 3 months planning the 2 1/2 week trip. The closer the trip came the more anxious I grew. For various reasons; I'm not a great flyer, it was the furthest I've ever been from home and I knew this experience would be a turning point for me and him. Also I had started hearing from him a little less, I got a sense for what was happening. Also in the run up to this holiday I stopped running entirely and my diet was not at all very healthy - I wasn't focused on taking care of myself, I was too worried about what would happen after Bali.

It was very clear how he felt on day 2 of the trip. He explained that his plans had changed, that he was going to go to Australia for as long as his visa would allow and from there, who knows.

Quite understandably I was upset. I knew ironically that this guy, who I admired so much for his adventurous outlook, would be leaving my life because of it.

Due to my anxiety pre-Bali I'd packed a book my Mum had given me years before. The book, written by a Father to his 18 year old daughter, offers 3 pieces of life advice; one of them being positive thinking. Explaining the importance of always looking at the good stuff and not getting caught up on the bad.

Most days whilst away I wrote a pros and cons list in my head about my situation with Mr Actually. It went a little like this:

Con:
-He won't be in my life anymore, his texts and calls won't put that smile on my face anymore
-We're not going to do all the things we talked about doing together

Pro:
-I'm going to go home, date and meet someone new who truly does want to do those things with me
-I'm going to fall in love

I felt a massive turning point when saying goodbye to him at the airport. He was flying 5 hours to Sydney, I was flying 18 hours home. For the first time ever I didn't want to go home. I couldn't see what I was going home for. Yes there was my friends and family - but they would still love me wherever I was.

1 month after being back from Bali I still couldn't shake my need for freedom and adventure. I soon realised that I had met Mr Actually for a reason - my relationship with him took me to Bali and Bali made me realise my love for travel, freedom and adventure.

Excited about what was to come and in a bid for a new direction I starting reading self-help books. Initially it was The Life Plan by Shannah Kennedy, opening my mind up to the power of visualisation. Then I came across The Secret; the concept of the universe and positive thinking.

Within 3 months of being home I had a whole new outlook on life, a new set of goals and 2 trips booked.

Today I am feeling just as positive. The last 6 months have been the best I think I have ever had. I wake up most days thanking the universe for the day I am about to have, using affirmations to keep my mind on track. I get into bed each night and mentally write my gratitude list.

My strength of mind has overtaken my physical strength. In a bid to lift my overall strength I've signed up to a 10k run and have been regularly running since January. My diet is a bit of a struggle but I am determined to keep listening to my body and giving it the fuel it needs.