1. Like shit
2. That you can't go more than 3 seconds without picturing his face and feeling your tummy flip over
3. Like your best friend has dropped off the face of the earth/died
4. Anxious whilst wondering how you'll make it through the next 5 minutes, let alone the week of work you have to show up for
This is not a how-to guide to help you survive your breakup. I'm not going to reassure you that you'll feel better in a few days, nor that you'll feel better in a few weeks. Not that you won't - you might. What's important right now is how you feel in this very moment, because really that's all you have.
'You'll get over it.' Quite possibly the worst combination of words to say to anyone mid-emotional turmoil. Particularly a turmoil created by a boy who you're still in love with. Mainly because you don't want to get over it - you don't want to be in this situation at all, let alone have to face getting over him.
I'm hoping my next statement won't make you feel worse... I just don't think people ever get over it, not really anyway. Every experience in life sticks with us, they affect us in so many ways. Particularly the experiences where your heart, your trust and your friendships have been broken.
Now I'm not saying that's a bad thing. There's all those Pinterest quotes aren't there; 'what doesn't kill you makes you stronger', 'no rain, no flowers', 'pain is fuel'. Maybe there is some truth in that. Maybe one day, a few years from now, he'll cross your mind and you'll notice how thankful you are to have experienced what you did with him. Then again, maybe there will be moments when you equally miss what you had. Who knows. It really is a mystery but once again, the future doesn't help.
I've already set the expectation with you that this is not a survival guide. However (come on, it's a very small however), I will say this:
Nobody knows how to help you feel better. You don't even know what it will take to make you feel better. But as sure as day follows dawn, time carries on. The hours, days and weeks will go by. Those will be filled with life stuff. Stuff that puts a distance between you and him (and I know you don't want that distance but you have to give it a go, you don't really have a choice).
Quite honestly I'm not really sure what happens after that. I guess it's just life. Life that you can't even begin to imagine right now I'll bet, next week probably feels a lifetime away.
If, at the very least, this post has distracted you from your painful heart just for the length of time it has taken for you to read, then perfect. I can feel like all the heartache I felt by being broken up with by my ex-boyfriend was totally and honestly worth it.
