I'm sure I've mentioned before that I have horrendously high expectations. I expect far too much from friendships, relationships, my career and whilst attempting not to sound too dramatic; life. When I was younger I imagined myself as an adult with an incredible job, loads of friends and a fantastic dating/boy life. I guess I just imagined things would be all rosy.
Where does all this come from? Who knows. Recently I've seen lots of comedy Facebook status' and pins on Pinterest blaming Disney for women's high expectations when it comes to things like boys (and of course, hair). I guess they could be held a little responsible. And if Disney are a little at fault I guess so are Chick-Lit writers, Rom-Com directors and Patrick Swayze.
It's not just me who expects a boy to fall madly in love with me, climb up a fire escape with a bunch of red roses and snog my face off whilst a classic 80's tune plays in the background, loads of other girls want that too. Why do you think we keep reading those shitty novels where we all know the ending and keep watching those shitty films that make us cry; we want our happy ending.
At 26, I now feel in a place where I need to manage my ridiculously high expectations of men, before they are all discarded to the he's-lush-but-he-just-can't-dance-the-mirange scrap heap. After spending 2 years of my early twenties with a guy who I felt at the time made no effort, I thought I deserved much more; I thought I deserved the perfect guy who met all my expectations. I was not going to settle for less. Two and half years on, I am still single.
Firstly I don't actually think there is a guy out there who checks everything off my list; teeth, triangle, brains, height, funny, Kardashian lover, wine drinker... The list goes on, obviously. It's near on impossible to find this guy. Secondly, say just for one second he is out there, do I even deserve this guy?! Perhaps I am not good enough for this near on perfect guy, maybe I'm awful.
So perhaps I should start to think about which expectations I can let go off or at least be lenient with. What can I let slide with the guy I actually quite like. A sort of expectation priority list.
Probably number one on my expectation list is reliability. People or guys who let me down really get my goat; if we make plans we do it, if I plan something I mean it. I struggle to be lenient here. This is a biggy for me. I can however be lenient on texting; I'm alright not hearing from you for a few days, it's cool, what would we chit-chat about anyway? I can do funny, witty texts but I struggle with conversational messages. There is only so many times you can ask What are you up to today? Drinking I'm ok with, who am I to lecture anyone about excessive nights on wine/beer/Jaegerbombs anyway. Drugs? A step too far, massive no-no.
I could go on forever. The point is sometimes you have to let some your expectations of relationships, jobs and life go. By holding on to them you go a little crazy and most importantly risk missing out on something amazing that you hadn't quite imagined or expected. Sure, keep your standards but just keep those great expectations in check.
Friday 15 March 2013
Wednesday 13 March 2013
Failure
A little while ago I became obsessed with failure.
Since discovering I was a teensy bit ambitious at the age of 20 I started setting myself little goals; I set my mind on getting my car when I graduated Uni, then I decided I would move out when I was 25. This past year I have been loving my lifestyle whilst also trying to figure out my next move, my next goal.
For a little while I felt proud that I had achieved those things but also a little deflated when I started to discover things were not exactly how I imagined they would be. Of course I knew my car was a little expensive, but I hadn't realised quite how much I would be spending on tyres/tax/petrol. When I moved out I knew it was going to be difficult, I knew I would have to go without some luxury's like clothes, holidays and even hair appointments, but I hadn't realised just how hard it is to go without all that stuff. I didn't expect to be constantly weighing up the importance of a new mascara over a loaf of bread.
Sometimes, during very down times (you know the times you usually have one week a month, at 12 at night, whilst struggling to get some sleep) I felt like I had very much failed. I felt like my idealistic little brain had set myself too high expectations, that things like managing my money and trying to get ahead at work were too difficult and I thought about completely giving up and moving back in with the parents. I briefly mentioned in a previous post my consideration of a career change from Digital Marketer to Shelf Stacker. Admitting defeat. Giving up. Failing.
Why is this such a big deal to me? I don't know. I don't feel this pressure from anyone other than myself; I set myself these expectations, I beat myself up. I came across this article today and considered that admitting failure could be a good sign of your character, showing that you have the strength to take risks and your proud of that, even if you do fail. I guess my view of failure is a really negative one and I have too much pride, I guess I care too much what other people think.
I'm not much of a risk taker; I don't bet, I don't make rash decisions. I think every big life decision through thoroughly before taking a particular route and I look out for positive signs from the universe (it sounds nuts but its true, I always see good signs). Perhaps I am not a risk taker because I fear failing.
Maybe I should try to take more risks, to live a little on the dangerous side. I'm not talking driving without a seat belt or having wild, unprotected sex with strangers, I mean considering that a high risk factor in those big, important life decisions could actually make things more interesting. Better yet I could end up in a place greatly exceeding my original expectations, even if I do fail along the way.
Since discovering I was a teensy bit ambitious at the age of 20 I started setting myself little goals; I set my mind on getting my car when I graduated Uni, then I decided I would move out when I was 25. This past year I have been loving my lifestyle whilst also trying to figure out my next move, my next goal.
For a little while I felt proud that I had achieved those things but also a little deflated when I started to discover things were not exactly how I imagined they would be. Of course I knew my car was a little expensive, but I hadn't realised quite how much I would be spending on tyres/tax/petrol. When I moved out I knew it was going to be difficult, I knew I would have to go without some luxury's like clothes, holidays and even hair appointments, but I hadn't realised just how hard it is to go without all that stuff. I didn't expect to be constantly weighing up the importance of a new mascara over a loaf of bread.
Sometimes, during very down times (you know the times you usually have one week a month, at 12 at night, whilst struggling to get some sleep) I felt like I had very much failed. I felt like my idealistic little brain had set myself too high expectations, that things like managing my money and trying to get ahead at work were too difficult and I thought about completely giving up and moving back in with the parents. I briefly mentioned in a previous post my consideration of a career change from Digital Marketer to Shelf Stacker. Admitting defeat. Giving up. Failing.
Why is this such a big deal to me? I don't know. I don't feel this pressure from anyone other than myself; I set myself these expectations, I beat myself up. I came across this article today and considered that admitting failure could be a good sign of your character, showing that you have the strength to take risks and your proud of that, even if you do fail. I guess my view of failure is a really negative one and I have too much pride, I guess I care too much what other people think.
I'm not much of a risk taker; I don't bet, I don't make rash decisions. I think every big life decision through thoroughly before taking a particular route and I look out for positive signs from the universe (it sounds nuts but its true, I always see good signs). Perhaps I am not a risk taker because I fear failing.
Maybe I should try to take more risks, to live a little on the dangerous side. I'm not talking driving without a seat belt or having wild, unprotected sex with strangers, I mean considering that a high risk factor in those big, important life decisions could actually make things more interesting. Better yet I could end up in a place greatly exceeding my original expectations, even if I do fail along the way.
Friday 8 March 2013
The Disappearing Singleton
Recently I have been observing something I have not experienced for a very long time. Not since the days of my first school romance with Mr Reliable have I felt this way. I am sure you have all experienced this too at one time or another, perhaps it has even been you acting this way.
You know when your gal pal meets a new guy and she quickly disappears off the raider? She's not available for a midweek glass of wine at the drop of a hat anymore, you might have to book her up a whole week in advance - the cheek of it! She might also be slow at texting back; funny how love affects the texting skills.
I have had countless friends disappear into their lovely new relationship. It's not just girls either, boys do it too, actually I sometimes think boys are worse than girls. I like to think of myself as an understanding friend who would never blame any friend for doing this. I sort of think that if that were me I would want my friend to be understanding of my reasons. This honeymoon phase doesn't last that long anyway. Give it a few months or maybe a year and your pal will realise she has been too focused on herself. It's cool. If she doesn't come back to you or if your not supportive of her then the bottom line is your not that good friends.
There is another thing that I have witnessed that happens almost simultaneously when your friend starts dating the right guy as opposed to all those wrong ones. When she meets Mr Right she stops sharing the juicy sex details and you never hear her complain about him not texting her back. It's almost as if things are so perfect she has nothing to talk about (by talk I obviously mean the thing that we girls do best, that's moan). When you finally get hold of your gal pal and book a drink or dinner in for two weeks on Thursday (when the new boyf is away, obvs) she spends the entire evening with a sickly smile plastered across her face and puts a positive spin on EVERYTHING.
Recently I caught myself disappearing a little.
Obviously I am not claiming to have met Mr Right but I think I have met a Mr Right Now. I haven't had a boy in my life like this for quite some time. The last few times I have met up with the girls I have heard the phrase 'oh your just loved up' and more than once let me tell you. I pride myself in never putting bros before hoes and I have always been really good at it. I am independent when it comes to things like friends and socialising, even when in a relationship, but boy am I finding it hard this time round to juggle all things friends and boys.
I have always been determined not to become one of those smug married types. You've all seen Bridget Jones' diary. The bit where she goes alone to the dinner party with a thousand loved up couples and they interrogate her into the working mind of a 30 year old singleton. In a funny sort of way I looked up to her. For most of my early twenties I wanted to be single and man-less just so I could say 'Nope, I don't need a man, women can be cool AND single'. I think that's why I loved Sex and The City so much, they were all very cool and very single for most of the 6 seasons. But surely I can have a boy and still champion the rights for the single women? Beyonce does it. Also my dream of becoming Bridget Jones could still be realised one day.
I suppose this singleton dissapearing act is a bit like the fairy tale ending 'and they lived happily ever after'. Which is lovely and probably something my Mum really wishes for me but I don't think it will happen this way for me. I think no matter my relationship status I will also be a little bit of a singleton.
You know when your gal pal meets a new guy and she quickly disappears off the raider? She's not available for a midweek glass of wine at the drop of a hat anymore, you might have to book her up a whole week in advance - the cheek of it! She might also be slow at texting back; funny how love affects the texting skills.
I have had countless friends disappear into their lovely new relationship. It's not just girls either, boys do it too, actually I sometimes think boys are worse than girls. I like to think of myself as an understanding friend who would never blame any friend for doing this. I sort of think that if that were me I would want my friend to be understanding of my reasons. This honeymoon phase doesn't last that long anyway. Give it a few months or maybe a year and your pal will realise she has been too focused on herself. It's cool. If she doesn't come back to you or if your not supportive of her then the bottom line is your not that good friends.
There is another thing that I have witnessed that happens almost simultaneously when your friend starts dating the right guy as opposed to all those wrong ones. When she meets Mr Right she stops sharing the juicy sex details and you never hear her complain about him not texting her back. It's almost as if things are so perfect she has nothing to talk about (by talk I obviously mean the thing that we girls do best, that's moan). When you finally get hold of your gal pal and book a drink or dinner in for two weeks on Thursday (when the new boyf is away, obvs) she spends the entire evening with a sickly smile plastered across her face and puts a positive spin on EVERYTHING.
Recently I caught myself disappearing a little.
Obviously I am not claiming to have met Mr Right but I think I have met a Mr Right Now. I haven't had a boy in my life like this for quite some time. The last few times I have met up with the girls I have heard the phrase 'oh your just loved up' and more than once let me tell you. I pride myself in never putting bros before hoes and I have always been really good at it. I am independent when it comes to things like friends and socialising, even when in a relationship, but boy am I finding it hard this time round to juggle all things friends and boys.
I have always been determined not to become one of those smug married types. You've all seen Bridget Jones' diary. The bit where she goes alone to the dinner party with a thousand loved up couples and they interrogate her into the working mind of a 30 year old singleton. In a funny sort of way I looked up to her. For most of my early twenties I wanted to be single and man-less just so I could say 'Nope, I don't need a man, women can be cool AND single'. I think that's why I loved Sex and The City so much, they were all very cool and very single for most of the 6 seasons. But surely I can have a boy and still champion the rights for the single women? Beyonce does it. Also my dream of becoming Bridget Jones could still be realised one day.
I suppose this singleton dissapearing act is a bit like the fairy tale ending 'and they lived happily ever after'. Which is lovely and probably something my Mum really wishes for me but I don't think it will happen this way for me. I think no matter my relationship status I will also be a little bit of a singleton.
Thursday 7 March 2013
Change
I experienced quite horrendous January blues. I don't think I have experienced them quite like that before. I tried to put my finger on it and I came up with the explanation of a combination of boys, work (both of my works) and quite a bit of boredom.
I love starting new things. As I wrote in early January I love New Year, I also love moving furniture around and meeting new people; I pretty much just like breaking up routine. It's the whole starting-a-new-chapter thing I like so much. Looking back over what you have achieved and learnt, reflecting on how things have changed and looking forward to more change. Maybe I am one of those weirdos who love change.
By the time February came I decided I must do something about it. Things don't just happen, you have to put in a little ground work. You have to make a little effort and then grab the opportunities as they turn up. A friend I was speaking to at the time said she had read about a women who had felt similarly to me. She developed this idea of accepting any opportunity that arose; she said yes to any invitation, made the effort when she really didn't want to... I think I'm right in thinking she ended up with an amazing new new man in New York (but my imagination might have made that bit up).
So I put myself out there a little. I did some job hunting, considered a career to change to a shelf stacker and I even dreamt about packing a suitcase and clearing off somewhere hot. One lunchtime I searched Skyscanner for the cheapest flight out of here. Anyway, one thing led to another and I found myself offered a new job working in London. Obviously I grabbed that opportunity with both hands, this was not only what I needed but something I really wanted. This new job is not only a new challenge but also a whole new way of life. As of 2nd April I will be joining all those London commuters and I will of course be blogging my new adventure (hopefully).
Because I had a bit of free thinking time I spent a lot of it obsessing about the boy; this was the second thing that was getting me down. Things had been a little hairy, but of course they had; me and boys are never simple. He is still very much on the scene despite the rational side of my brain trying to cut things off with him, on more than one occasion. Trouble is my little heart pipes up after a few days and says 'Hello, I need some love' and it makes me grab my phone and SOS text him.
Luckily he doesn't think I'm too crazy. He is very good at chatting, we have discussed our situ in great detail. Turns out he hasn't met a girl before he has been bothered about, sure he's had a few GFs but nothing serious, I mentioned the L word - he says he doesn't think he's ever been there before. Interesting. He concluded the convo by saying he was going to make much more effort and actually, since our little chit-chat he has. He sent me flowers to the office on my birthday (when all I was hoping for was a text), we haven't fallen out in 3 weeks (I'm counting) and the kisses have got even better! Wow. But obviously it's not all him, I am no angel in all this drama. I absolutely get carried away, I think about things way too much and I have massively high expectations. So I am battling all of my demons and making effort too.
So here's to starting something new. Hopefully starting this new chapter in my life will be all good but you never really know, you've got to take some risks sometimes or else you end up never doing anything. At least now I will have much more to think about than just this one silly boy ;)
I love starting new things. As I wrote in early January I love New Year, I also love moving furniture around and meeting new people; I pretty much just like breaking up routine. It's the whole starting-a-new-chapter thing I like so much. Looking back over what you have achieved and learnt, reflecting on how things have changed and looking forward to more change. Maybe I am one of those weirdos who love change.
By the time February came I decided I must do something about it. Things don't just happen, you have to put in a little ground work. You have to make a little effort and then grab the opportunities as they turn up. A friend I was speaking to at the time said she had read about a women who had felt similarly to me. She developed this idea of accepting any opportunity that arose; she said yes to any invitation, made the effort when she really didn't want to... I think I'm right in thinking she ended up with an amazing new new man in New York (but my imagination might have made that bit up).
So I put myself out there a little. I did some job hunting, considered a career to change to a shelf stacker and I even dreamt about packing a suitcase and clearing off somewhere hot. One lunchtime I searched Skyscanner for the cheapest flight out of here. Anyway, one thing led to another and I found myself offered a new job working in London. Obviously I grabbed that opportunity with both hands, this was not only what I needed but something I really wanted. This new job is not only a new challenge but also a whole new way of life. As of 2nd April I will be joining all those London commuters and I will of course be blogging my new adventure (hopefully).
Because I had a bit of free thinking time I spent a lot of it obsessing about the boy; this was the second thing that was getting me down. Things had been a little hairy, but of course they had; me and boys are never simple. He is still very much on the scene despite the rational side of my brain trying to cut things off with him, on more than one occasion. Trouble is my little heart pipes up after a few days and says 'Hello, I need some love' and it makes me grab my phone and SOS text him.
Luckily he doesn't think I'm too crazy. He is very good at chatting, we have discussed our situ in great detail. Turns out he hasn't met a girl before he has been bothered about, sure he's had a few GFs but nothing serious, I mentioned the L word - he says he doesn't think he's ever been there before. Interesting. He concluded the convo by saying he was going to make much more effort and actually, since our little chit-chat he has. He sent me flowers to the office on my birthday (when all I was hoping for was a text), we haven't fallen out in 3 weeks (I'm counting) and the kisses have got even better! Wow. But obviously it's not all him, I am no angel in all this drama. I absolutely get carried away, I think about things way too much and I have massively high expectations. So I am battling all of my demons and making effort too.
So here's to starting something new. Hopefully starting this new chapter in my life will be all good but you never really know, you've got to take some risks sometimes or else you end up never doing anything. At least now I will have much more to think about than just this one silly boy ;)
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