I experienced quite horrendous January blues. I don't think I have experienced them quite like that before. I tried to put my finger on it and I came up with the explanation of a combination of boys, work (both of my works) and quite a bit of boredom.
I love starting new things. As I wrote in early January I love New Year, I also love moving furniture around and meeting new people; I pretty much just like breaking up routine. It's the whole starting-a-new-chapter thing I like so much. Looking back over what you have achieved and learnt, reflecting on how things have changed and looking forward to more change. Maybe I am one of those weirdos who love change.
By the time February came I decided I must do something about it. Things don't just happen, you have to put in a little ground work. You have to make a little effort and then grab the opportunities as they turn up. A friend I was speaking to at the time said she had read about a women who had felt similarly to me. She developed this idea of accepting any opportunity that arose; she said yes to any invitation, made the effort when she really didn't want to... I think I'm right in thinking she ended up with an amazing new new man in New York (but my imagination might have made that bit up).
So I put myself out there a little. I did some job hunting, considered a career to change to a shelf stacker and I even dreamt about packing a suitcase and clearing off somewhere hot. One lunchtime I searched Skyscanner for the cheapest flight out of here. Anyway, one thing led to another and I found myself offered a new job working in London. Obviously I grabbed that opportunity with both hands, this was not only what I needed but something I really wanted. This new job is not only a new challenge but also a whole new way of life. As of 2nd April I will be joining all those London commuters and I will of course be blogging my new adventure (hopefully).
Because I had a bit of free thinking time I spent a lot of it obsessing about the boy; this was the second thing that was getting me down. Things had been a little hairy, but of course they had; me and boys are never simple. He is still very much on the scene despite the rational side of my brain trying to cut things off with him, on more than one occasion. Trouble is my little heart pipes up after a few days and says 'Hello, I need some love' and it makes me grab my phone and SOS text him.
Luckily he doesn't think I'm too crazy. He is very good at chatting, we have discussed our situ in great detail. Turns out he hasn't met a girl before he has been bothered about, sure he's had a few GFs but nothing serious, I mentioned the L word - he says he doesn't think he's ever been there before. Interesting. He concluded the convo by saying he was going to make much more effort and actually, since our little chit-chat he has. He sent me flowers to the office on my birthday (when all I was hoping for was a text), we haven't fallen out in 3 weeks (I'm counting) and the kisses have got even better! Wow. But obviously it's not all him, I am no angel in all this drama. I absolutely get carried away, I think about things way too much and I have massively high expectations. So I am battling all of my demons and making effort too.
So here's to starting something new. Hopefully starting this new chapter in my life will be all good but you never really know, you've got to take some risks sometimes or else you end up never doing anything. At least now I will have much more to think about than just this one silly boy ;)
