First Date Games

I have a situation. Of course, by situation I mean a boy. To be matter of fact, I actually have a date. A first date.

First dates are odd aren't they? A bit like a job interview really; 'What do you do?' 'Do you have any hobbies?' 'Where do you see yourself in five years?'. The first date is a job interview where neither one of you want to be seen to overly want to get. Both applicants are cool and aloof about the job on offer.

Of course not all job interviews, er I mean first dates, go this way. Sometimes you come across applicants who are mega keen. I've interviewed a few who have been very clear of what they want out of the job in question, namely a wife and kids. Obviously that kind of directness is off putting, well to me anyway. I guess even in a real life job interview the sucker-uppers never get through to the second stage. It's the ones who have that perfect balance of skill, attitude and confidence. 

This leads me to consider if first date games are an absolute necessary part of the dating process. Perhaps we need a bit of aloofness and lets-pretend-I-don't-even-fancy-you to keep things interesting and fun. Perhaps if two people met up in a swanky bar, ordered a couple of drinks and opened the chitchat with 'I really fancy you, will you be my boyfriend' the whole concept of dating would be ruined. This comes as a challenge to me. I am a heart-on-your-sleeve kind of gal. I tell everyone my secrets, I'm as honest as a nun. Dating games are difficult. This time however I am going to play. 

Perhaps I need to attack this situation like a would with a job (I'm pretty sure this was my downfall last time but oh well...). I think I want this job, I just need to find out a bit more about the, ahem, package. What are the benefits? Is there a lot of opportunity? What's the probationary period like? 

So my strategy looks a bit like this:

1. Aloof - I will not confess my interest in this job, I mean boy, oh no I mean game, oh god I have no idea. I will be cool as a cue, keep my distance, leave him guessing. 

2. Observe - whilst being my very unnaturally aloof self, I will sit back and look out for the IOIs (you remember my FPUA days right?). I need to keep sight of what his intensions. Which leads me on to my third and final rule...

3. A sex ban - that's right kids, no sex. It won't be easy but it's going to happen. I always fall in love with the guys I have sex with. I'm a passionate gal, I don't just have sex for sex sake, it's emotional for me. 

So that's it. My current situation will be battled with me acting like a don't care, whilst tying to find out if he does and keeping my legs shut. Sounds to me like I have this job in the bag...

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas

One week today I will be opening presents, stuffing my belly full with turkey and drunk. Yep, it's that time of year; Chriiiiiiiistmas (are you now thinking of the Slade song? I am).

I like to enter into the spirit of any kind of holiday and Christmas is no exception. I love putting up my decs, eating out of massive tubs of chocolates and wearing the traditional sparkly tops/jackets/dresses. 

Christmas also marks the ending of another year and naturally we (or maybe just I) find ourselves looking back over the year gone by and looking forward to the one ahead. And quite frankly, what a year it's been.

Last Christmas feels like a blink of an eye ago. Lots of drinks, friends, sex... You know, those usual Christmas traditions (ha!). I realise it doesn't seem that long ago to me because I spent most of this year looking back to those dramatically fun months. But lots has changed for me this year - I have learnt a hell of a lot. 

Mostly I have learnt the importance of a super supportive gaggle of family and friends. I have realised the meaning of friends, that you have all sorts of friends for all sorts of reasons. That phrase 'reasons, seasons and lifetimes' has meant more to me this year than ever. I think, as with most things, looking at what you do have in your friendships/relationships works out much better than looking at the things you don't.

This year I have also learnt a massive lesson about stuff, about being materialistic. I love stuff. Always have. I used to hoard so much stuff in my bedroom, afraid to throw anything away for fear of one day needing it and for fear of missing that treasured item. In my adult years I have used stuff as accomplishments; handbags, cars etc. I wouldn't necessarily describe myself as materialistic, those are the things I go to work for, that I want to keep working for. My stuff give me a sense of accomplishment, a sense of self worth - is that the saddest thing to ever admit to? I'm not sure. I don't think so. Everyone has their own drivers, their own ideas of what they want out of life and of course I want the deeper stuff too. Anyway, I digress.

This year I have learnt more than ever the insignificance of all that stuff. I am grateful for everything I have worked hard for, everything I have earned and everything I have been gifted with. However, this year I realised how much I would swap all of that for love. I would swap everything for that one guy. My guy. Well, who the hell wouldn't right?

I've learnt a hell of a lot more this year too but these seem to be the biggys. I guess that leaves me contemplating my New Year resolutions for 2014 right? Well yea. Better get drafting the next post.

The break up survival guide

This weekend I have been consoling a very good friend going through a break up.

Whilst offering them my shoulder and sharing my recently learnt tips for survival, I realised how far I had come on my own road to heart-ache recovery. I found myself on the other side of the love madness. I sat for hours listening to the back and forth reasoning of how this could have happened, the reminiscing of the romance and the emotional hysteria of tears one minute and laughter the next.

I do not envy my friend. I did, however, feel inspired to collect my survival tips and to share them with the world (well ok, this here blog):

1. Head vs. Heart

I shared my emotional battle with anyone who would listen. I wrote many a blog post on how much I cared for this boy regardless of how much I knew he was a douchebag and how he was nothing but bad news for me; this is classic head vs. heart.

I think, that in cases of heart ache you should always listen to your head. Your head is the one thinking. Your head is balancing up the situation and telling you what the right thing to do is, the most sensible thing, the thing that will protect you.

And your heart? Well, your heart can be cruel. Your heart still feels the same way about that ex. It longs for that feeling when you used to hang out, when you used to kiss, when you used to be happy together. If you listen to your heart it will have you doing anything to get that again. Anything. Regardless of how sensible/foolish the solution is. 

2. Hope

I love this word. I love it so much I want to get it permanently written on me. You have to have hope in anything you do or what else is the point.

Hope however can sometimes be cruel. False hope is the worst. To hope that a near on impossible situation will happen is literally heart breaking. Clinging all your hopes of happiness on to a reconciliation with your ex will near on kill you. Instead you need to step back and focus your hope on happiness full stop. Weather that be with your ex or not. You have to hope things will get better someday, with or without your ex.

I found peace in the idea that if things are 'meant to be' then they will be. I had faith in that and in turn I had hope.

3. Nothing lasts forever

Everyone experiences down days. Everyone knows how it feels to be at their lowest. It's not nice, you can think the most tragic thoughts - but this does not last. Post break up you will feel horrendous; you have hours of desperation, evenings of tears, days of gloom but fortunately life always goes on. Things happen, situations change and nothing ever stays the same. So feel low when you feel low, it's ok, but do not lose sight that things won't always be that way. 

4. Time and space

I know, it sounds so cheesy right? But it's so goddamn true! Take it a day at a time. Soon those days turn into weeks, then months. Before you know it, nearly a year has gone by and guess what; your still alive! Your heart break didn't kill you and maybe there is some truth in that old cliche 'what doesn't kill you makes you stronger'.

Hand in hand with time is space. Space without that person texting you or popping up on your Facebook helps you to come to terms with the reality of the situation. It helps you to focus on the most important thing; yourself, without any emotional upheaval. Space helps to clear your head (see, I said head not heart), to help you see the situation from the outside, to be objective.

5. Advice
You won't want to hear it. In fact, you won't be able to even process it. You will discuss your problems with anyone who will listen but you do not want to hear their advice. Their advice is probably the along the same kind of lines of what your head is telling you but that your heart is trying to drown out. It's ok. You have to go through this. When you're ready to listen you will and it will help.

I guess number 5 kind of makes this post redundant. Ah well. All this totally makes sense to me.

Plenty of... Perverts

My beginners luck on POF (Plenty of Fish) continued. Quite honestly, my inbox has never felt so desired. The quality of my catches need to be questioned though. I've been frequently screen-grabbing, entertaining my pals with some of the e-lines that have been pulled on me these last few weeks.

Of course I have been receiving the unimaginative, and quite frankly boring, opening lines of 'hey, u ok?' but unless the fish in question has an intriguing profile snap, that kind of message simply gets ignored. There have also been the equally as short and equally as uncreative one liners full of flattery; 'hey gorgeous x'. I even had a marriage proposal. 

Regardless of the perverts, my POF experience hasn't been fruitless. I've been chitchating to one (seemingly) nice boy. There is a possibility of a date there, maybe. Also the local search function has meant I have been contacted by guys I know in real life. One guy I know on the outside messaged me the sweet message of 'I won't tell if you won't'. There has been conversation with a few other local lads too. Not sure that's a good thing or not tbh.

The online flirting has spilled over into real life too. For the first time in a long time, I have a few texting convos happening, with a number of different guys. It's nice to have options. What's an innocent little bit of texting anyway...