I've got a date tonight, a Tinder date to be more precise and it's filling me with anxiety.
I met up with the girls the other night. One of them has been unhappy in her job for years but finds the thought of interviewing for a new one flippin scary. That's exactly how I feel about all this dating malarky. I would happily face a super scary interview rather than this date tonight. Interviews and jobs I'm ok at, dating and boys I am crap at. What is all that about?
Quite honestly I can't face another situation where I'm seeing someone, spending time with them and then it doesn't work out. I know that's kind of shooting myself in the foot, you've gotta be in it to win it and all that, but that's just how I feel at the mo. I know this sounds deep but I don't want someone else coming along who makes me lose all sense of emotional control.
I have myself quite a solo routine going on at the moment. I fill my evenings and weekends with the things I want to do with no thought of anybody else. I don't worry if I'm going to be let down by some guy or why he hasn't text back or if all he is interested in is getting some. Sure I want to find someone, a best friend, my very own boy but at the moment I'm happy single and in control. That's right, I just confessed - I am actually happy!
Purely for the reason of an experience - an online date and potential blog content - I am not going to cancel on this date tonight. As much as I would love to go home after work and watch a film on the sofa in my pjs, I am not going to. I am going outside my comfort zone and meeting a complete stranger for a drink in some bar in London. And what if he cancels? Well that's what I would call fate...
