I was completely right not to spill too much about my latest fling; unsurprisingly it went amazingly tit's up over the weekend. To cut a long story short, it turns out I had once again began to fall for the loser, you know the he-will-change kind of guy. After the realisation on Friday night (after a very stupid confession by him) I sent a farewell text containing the phrases; how do I know you didn't sleep with her and a very dramatic but very necessary I thought you were someone else. You can probably guess the rest.
If I am being honest I am really upset; I really liked hanging out with him, I genuinely thought it could have turned into something. I am also really annoyed, but not at him, I am annoyed at myself for letting myself get into this sort of pickle all over again, I feel stupid to be right back where I was at the age of 22. In a nutshell I feel like a failure.
I have got a tiny bit of positive thinking going on though, just enough to think I cannot let some loser guy get to me this much. Also the girls have been their usually super supportive selves. KK says my experience with my previous Mr Rebelious prepared me for this latest disaster and that's what made me see the warning signs. Blondie admited that they also thought deep down he was a good guy too. As always, great gal pal advice. I am seriously considering giving up boys in favour of two girlfirends. I can honestly say no man has ever been as there for me as these two.
So on-wards and quite honestly up-wards; my taste in men couldn't get much lower. I have set myself a challenge of getting a new date lined up by the weekend and I have already made leeway with this. You know me, I don't waste any time. I think I need a distraction from my very low opinion of myself right now. When there's a guy about I can at least think well so-and-so thinks I am funny/sweet/cute/sexy. This is totally the thing your not supposed to admit to by the way, it's in every single girl guide book but screw it! You can always rely on me to be totally open and honest.
I have also turned the one woman comedy act back on. I have been entertaining everyone with tales from my deeply depressive single life where I am constantly in search of the one thing to make me truely and forever more happy; a man. Quite honestly all I really want is just a decent sort of guy I can hang out with who doesn't dick me around - v hard to find, v hard.
Lessons learnt from my latest failed venture:
1. always listen to your instinct - something reminded me too much of Mr Rebelious from day 1
2. do not fall first - this only ever lands you in trouble and him trotting off unscathed
3. head over heart, head over heart, head over heart
4. do not get fooled by your imagination - my imagination can fuck right off
So that's me for now. I will of of course be keeping you posted on my new challenge. I think this week is going to be tough so I will probably be doing lots of writing, sleeping and eating.
