He's Just Not That Into You

This dating rule goes as follows;
You worry all day about him not texting you back or not arranging that date or not appearing bothered about seeing you. The simple answer that all girls never want to admit to, but probably should always consider when finding themselves in this situation is simply; he is just not that into you.

I first learnt about this rule in Sex and the City - some guy confessed this to Miranda, she found it liberating. Then I heard about the book/film; ever since then it's kinda always in my mind when a guy doesn't appear so keen.

I suppose if your dating a few different guys it helps you weed out the ones not worth any more of your time, but if you actually quite like the guy it can be difficult to digest. Recently I was talking to a girlfriend about a guy she was seeing, she was confused by his very hot and cold nature; he started off very hot, very persistent, very into her. Then all of a sudden he goes cold; one word texts, skirting around the subject of meeting up again - she was left puzzled. We obviously discussed endless possibilities of him being busy at work, maybe having difficulty with home stuff or maybe playing games (As a side note, my opinion on boys playing games goes like this; I honestly don't think regular guys play games, they simply CBA).

I try not to sugar coat things, as harsh as it may seem (but I like to think honest) I floated the rule that maybe He's Just Not That Into You, to which she replied; "Of course! It makes so much sense...". I then went on to say that if he was interested in her then he would call or text, told her not to bother with him - he knows where you are. Quite a good test I think, but leaving her in limbo? Maybe.

OK, so am I being cynical or just realistic? Could it be possible that this kind of guy maybe lost his phone or maybe lost your number or perhaps his dog died? I personally believe if he is interested then he would want to call or text or see you - this isn't too idealistic, is it? Surely this cannot be too much to ask for? Maybe it is.

Girlfriends vs. Boyfriends

Ever since that moment in series three of Sex and the City when Charlotte suggests that the girls friendships are what they have been looking for all along in relationships with men, I have questioned the importance of girlfriends over boyfriends.

I have so many good girlfriends, all my relationships with them are different (thankfully) but one thing is consistent in all of them; they are always always there for me. Weather I am calling at 11pm in tears over a boy or moaning over a glass of wine about work or worrying about how I am going to afford my latest horrific car bill; my girlfriends will talk endlessly and selflessly about my problems until I am done. And of course I'd like to think that I would do the same right back. This is what I believe to be the real meaning of friendship.
Recently I realised that no guy I have been in a relationship with has ever been there for me as much as my girlfriends (and obviously my Mum). I don't honestly know if any man will ever be there for me as much. I have such high standards when it comes to things like that; I'm a stickler for reliability, I love reliable, dependable people, it's just one of my things. Along with people who are honest and trustworthy I have so much time and respect for people who are dependable. But perhaps that's the thing, perhaps that's the thing I am looking for in my ultimate guy.

I floated the idea of great girl friendships and fun boy relationships with the girls recently. They loved the idea, but what girl wouldn't?! Hands up who wouldn't enter into a trusting, honest relationship with someone who remembers your birthday, who can talk to you and watch the tele at the same time and who you can share shoes with?!

I know what your thinking, this is all well and good but what about sex? Well, there's this high street sex shop where you can buy these amazing toys,with only 4 AA battery's you can... JOKES. How about going elsewhere for the snogs and the sex. Hell, meet a boy on a Saturday night in town, use and abuse and move on. It happens.

And what if you find someone you can have both the relationship and the sex with? Well then you've won.

Next!

I was completely right not to spill too much about my latest fling; unsurprisingly it went amazingly tit's up over the weekend. To cut a long story short, it turns out I had once again began to fall for the loser, you know the he-will-change kind of guy. After the realisation on Friday night (after a very stupid confession by him) I sent a farewell text containing the phrases; how do I know you didn't sleep with her and a very dramatic but very necessary I thought you were someone else. You can probably guess the rest.

If I am being honest I am really upset; I really liked hanging out with him, I genuinely thought it could have turned into something. I am also really annoyed, but not at him, I am annoyed at myself for letting myself get into this sort of pickle all over again, I feel stupid to be right back where I was at the age of 22. In a nutshell I feel like a failure.

I have got a tiny bit of positive thinking going on though, just enough to think I cannot let some loser guy get to me this much. Also the girls have been their usually super supportive selves. KK says my experience with my previous Mr Rebelious prepared me for this latest disaster and that's what made me see the warning signs. Blondie admited that they also thought deep down he was a good guy too. As always, great gal pal advice. I am seriously considering giving up boys in favour of two girlfirends. I can honestly say no man has ever been as there for me as these two.

So on-wards and quite honestly up-wards; my taste in men couldn't get much lower. I have set myself a challenge of getting a new date lined up by the weekend and I have already made leeway with this. You know me, I don't waste any time. I think I need a distraction from my very low opinion of myself right now. When there's a guy about I can at least think well so-and-so thinks I am funny/sweet/cute/sexy. This is totally the thing your not supposed to admit to by the way, it's in every single girl guide book but screw it! You can always rely on me to be totally open and honest.

I have also turned the one woman comedy act back on. I have been entertaining everyone with tales from my deeply depressive single life where I am constantly in search of the one thing to make me truely and forever more happy; a man. Quite honestly all I really want is just a decent sort of guy I can hang out with who doesn't dick me around - v hard to find, v hard.

Lessons learnt from my latest failed venture:
1. always listen to your instinct - something reminded me too much of Mr Rebelious from day 1
2. do not fall first - this only ever lands you in trouble and him trotting off unscathed
3. head over heart, head over heart, head over heart
4. do not get fooled by your imagination - my imagination can fuck right off

So that's me for now. I will of of course be keeping you posted on my new challenge. I think this week is going to be tough so I will probably be doing lots of writing, sleeping and eating.

Well hello 2013 and hello resolutions

I have been AWOL these last couple of weeks. I blame Christmas, laziness and a boy. I would love to sit here and tell you all about my latest boy situ (and believe me, I have lots to write about) but truth be told I kind of don't want to. I'm kinda keeping it on the down low at the moment anyway, so writing it up on here for the whole entire world to see (if they really wanted to) would sort of put a stop to that.

With my own boy-bipolar off limits that only leaves my gal pals lives to catch you up on. However, it doesn't really seem fair to dish their dirt but not my own. So whilst the jury is out on what to tell you r.e. the boys in our lives I will instead write a New Year resolutions post.

I love New Year. I always look upon it as a time to reflect over the previous year and to look forward to all the amazing things that could happen in the one ahead. Obviously if you have had a pretty shitty year it's not so great to look back and reflect, but New Year is still the perfect time to put that all behind you and look to the future.

As I love New Year so much I obviously always plan resolutions. For the past couple of years I have tried to limit them to only 2 or 3; in the hope of increasing the odds of actually fulfilling them. Last year I resolved to realise that I simply cannot please everyone, that there will definitely be people I come across who don't like me no matter what I do. I think I actually completed this resolution. I couldn't give a monkey's if someone doesn't like me any more. In fact I quite like it - it's one less person I have to make all the effort with (e.g. attempt conversation, arrange to see). Quite simply Fuck 'em. I am quite happy to sit in an awkward environment for an entire evening if necessary. Just you dare me...

This year I have 2 resolutions.

Firstly I plan to take back up my childhood/teenage hobby of dancing. Yes yes, I know, I dance pretty much every Saturday night on the postagestamp sized grimmy floor of The Rose, but this doesn't really count. I actually mean a dance class. For 15 years I danced tap, ballet, modern and I also studied contemporary dance for A Level. Ok, so I didn't pass with an A* or anything (that's sort of why I didn't carry it on) but it was such a huge part of my life growing up. Now at the age of 25 it is nowhere to be seen in my sober life. I resolve to go back to lessons once a week, get moving a bit more and simply HAVE LOADS OF FUN (whilst learning some sexy new moves).

My second resolution for 2013 is to be less of bitch. When I have been talking to people about New Year resolutions it has been quite nice that most people have been surprised at this one, but I think these are the people who don't really know me too well. I can be a massive cow. Just horrible really, short, snappy, outspoken, opinionated etc. Don't get me wrong, all these personality traits do make me who I am but I think I am going to tone them down a little this year, bite my tongue a bit more and generally be a nicer person. Perhaps then I won't have to worry about my last years resolution.

Along with these there are the obvious ones; lose a few pounds, make this year the year I have that killer body, read more. These will be loitering in the background too. I am also planning on writing more on here so spread the word and keep checking back for updates. I promise to spill some boy beans.

Happy New Year!

I have a good excuse... promise!

Sincere apologies for my absence over the last week or so. I have been majorly swept away with all the Christmas festivities; work parties, lots of shopping, putting up my decs. I suppose you could also blame my absence on the completion of my Christmas Misson. Yep, that's right, I completed my mission to snog my crush and things are actually going quite well. I'm a bit reluctant to write about this one though. Firstly, I don't want to jump the gun (you know me, all or nothing) and secondly, what if he saw this?! Massive red face for me. I will give you some juice though, I've just got to be sketchy.

Blondie is doing well with her Christmas Mission. Even though we still need to clarify what exactly we meant by 'action' she is well into lot's of text-flirting with a boy from work. With her Christmas party happening this Saturday night, the term 'action' might have a very different meaning - here's hoping.

KK is very surprisingly struggling with her Christmas Mission to pull Italian Stallion. She was out last weekend but he wasn't. Good job though, she has since told me she was 'too drunk for the game anyway'. KK is on babysitting duties for her niece this weekend and therefore cannot accompany us to The Rose (which is open until 4 this Saturday night - absolute Rose 'till close). This means her only opportunity to complete her Christmas Mission will be next weekend. No pressure or anything KK.

So you want to know more about my crush? Well I'll give you a little juice. He is very cute, I am being very cool as a cucumber and we've been out a few times. We'll see, we'll see...

Christmas Missions

I've been a bit quiet this week. This crush situation has developed a little and I am trying my very hardest to keep my true neurotic-self from surfacing and generally fucking things up. Instead I am channelling the cool as a cucumber, confident girl I was in the beginning of this thing. After all, she gets much more attention from the boys than me.

The girls came round last week for Magic Mike night and it stirred so much emotion that we decided we needed to set ourselves missions to complete before Christmas. You know, to get the ball rolling on all this boy stuff. We have quite creatively titled these deadlines as our Christmas Missions.

KK's Christmas Mission: to get with the Italian Stallion she always sees out in town who she is majorly in lust with. She thinks he is 'out of her legue' but we think she's nuts.

Blondie's Christmas Mission: due to the of late dry spell for Blondie when it comes to anything boy we set her the simple mission of getting any action of any sort. 

My Christmas Mission: to snog my crush.

After our Rose free weekend last weekend KK is yet to get her mission underway (although she has undergone some FB stalking, obviously). She is being unusually shy with her Italian Stallion. I am thinking she will back on form this weekend though, think of all that pent up Game that needs releasing. Oh gosh.

Blondie on the other hand is doing quite well. As we were not so specific about the details of Blondie's mission we've come across a little grey area. Blondie has actually seen quite a bit of action this week, mainly number swapping, texting and work flirting, but action all the same. Therefore technically she has completed her Christmas Mission. I've said we need to reassess her mission and set some proper ground rules. Blondie has actually had a pretty good week and all this action comes after she was the ultimate wingman to me last Saturday night. She has been keeping us up to date with her action over our favourite from of communication - FB chat;
Omfgggggg omg omg that guy just walked into work with me and asked for my number arrrrrgh x

She continued to write;
Omg I'm actually cringing. The whole way into work I was just chatting away (like I do) and then when we got here he goes 'so I've been meaning to ask u something, are u single and can I get ur number' hahaha now I feel all awkward haha. He's quite hot actually.

Ever since then my FB inbox has been flashing constantly, full of updates from Blondie on this guy front. Plus she tells us she has had more interest from other guys at work;
Omg omg omg haha girls I think I am giving off vibes or something

 I think this all makes for a very interesting work Christmas do for Blondie in a couple of weekends time.

And my Christmas Mission? Well I'm working on, I'm working on it. It's only a snog - I do that most Saturday nights with randoms right? So it's gotta be easy (see how cool and breezy I am being? On the inside you know I am completely freaking out, doing cartwheels and giggling like a school girl in the highest possible pitch that can only be heard by really starving Lions of the Serengeti and birds).

I have a crush

Remember the guy I briefly mentioned on the bottom of my post earlier in the week? Yea well, unsurprisingly I have gone full steam ahead into full crushing mode. It is not pretty.

The thing with this guy started months ago. Myself and the girls would entertain him and his mates with our Game exploits and at the time I had no interest in him. There was a little bit flirting, but again, I wasn't interested so I just had a laugh with it. Then the girls encouraged me a little; "He looked at you with love in his eyes!" You do not say this to a boy-bipolar sufferer. This is like a truck load of food to a binge eater or a free bar to an alcoholic. Obviously I fell of the waggon. I started thinking perhaps I do like this guy and perhaps he fancied me back.

I was being cool in the beginning. We exchanged numbers quite coolly, I was even doing a bit of negging which seemed to infuriate him a little. Then I had my Game-free week. I stopped texting Jumper Josh, no more Oil stories and definitely no thinking about new guy.

But then, just as I was writing him off and returning to full health he text me out of the blue. We had a little chit-chat for a day or two and a little bit of text flirt. It was going well, I was being so casual. Then there was the disaster of last Saturday night. Previously I had said to him that I wasn't going out as a part of my laying low thing, but after my family do from hell (which you can catch up on here) I desperately needed the comfort of the Rose and a couple of Jaegerbombs. Amongst all the arranging plans, pre-drinks and heels I dropped him a little text (see how cool I am being?) saying we were now heading out if he fancied it. One text lead to another; he was going to come out, then he wasn't. In the end he didn't.

Sunday I saw him briefly but things were weird. Usually he makes an effort to chit-chat with me and the girls but no, not this time. I was alright with it. Obviously I felt a bit like a dick, like I had been too eager the night before in getting him to come out with us. The girls thought it was weird. So all week I've been trying to figure the situation out; does he fancy me? Was I too eager? What should I do now?
By Thursday I decided it would be a good idea to text him. I blame Brooke, the weekend feeling and my coffee high. There was a little texting but nothing juicy; boring.

Right. I have concluded I am being too available. I am no longer that cool thing from right at the beginning, I have slowly morphed into my actual neurotic self that no guy will ever fall in lust with. Brooke says* I am thinking too much about it all, but hello, I think about everything too much, how else would I create all the content for this?! If I didn't play the Game I would be on the back foot. The news is everyone plays.

If I strip this situation down to it's bare bones it looks like this:
He was a little bit interested because I wasn't. He got a little bit encouragement of off me (the number exchange) and KK (the 'I think she would be interested' chat). Then I took it too far, I went all boy-bipolar on him and showed too much interested. He loses interest because no one ever fancies the one they can get, it's the challenge we love. The less interested he is the more interested I am.

From now on my game plan is this; completely no interest in him but absolute interest in everybody else. Let's face it, it's worth a go. I've already lost my insanity, what else is there to lose?


*I like that I refer to Brooke as the oracle - I think she will like this too ;)