This morning, as soon as I arrived in the office, she pounced on me;
'You will not believe what happened last night?' she announced with absolute delight.
'He messaged you?' I asked.
'No,' she says 'I messaged him!'
'WHAT?!' I was angry. No contact is breakup rule numero uno.
'No! It was fine. I just needed the closure.'
Closure. I hate that word. I know it most famously from Friends. You know the ep in season 2, where Rachel drunk dials Ross, leaves him a voicemail saying she is over him, that she's finally got the closure she needed - when really, she isn't over him at all and she certainly didn't have closure.
Closure is just made up bullshit that dumpees ramble on about, usually as an excuse to keep in contact with their ex. I truly believe the only person who can offer you closure is yourself. You've got to come to terms with what went wrong and why you ended up feeling so hurt. In the end, I think the only thing that truely gives you closure is time.
So my work friend went on to describe the whole text conversation with me. We discussed how long it took for him to reply, we inspected his punctuation to determine 'what he really meant' and we spoke at length at what messages he had read and hadn't read yet. The text chat with him was 3 replies long on her part, 2 on his. It was left with her suggesting a call to discuss what happened. It's been nearly 24 hours and he is yet to reply.
My friend is in for a gruelling wait for a text message she may or never get, all in the hope for closure that she may or never get. I feel for here massively. She said she's annoyed with herself that she even messaged him in the first place. Unfortunately, you can't turn back the Whatsapp clock.
I learnt the hard way about texting boys who are simply not interested and let's face it, these boys are the least interested as to how we are doing. These boys wanted us out of their lives for a reason. The last thing they want to hear from us is how sad and angry we feel about everything.
I asked her what it was she wanted him to say, what could he possibly say to make her feel any better (usually when you're the one getting in touch what you want to hear back is 'I love you, I realise I've made a crazy mistake', I have never heard of that happening, ever). She said she wanted him to take responsibility for hurting her, for messing things up. I suggested this morning that I wasn't sure she would get that, that he doesn't care enough to take responsibility. Maybe that was harsh. She answered explaining that she knows for sure he does care, for some reason I can't even remember right now.
I'm sorry, maybe I am cynical but someone who cares about you does not dump you via text (or not), cut you out of their life and not reply to the third message you've sent them in as many months. There are no excuses for that. I would never intentionally hurt someone I cared about, fact. I'm sure you wouldn't either.
There is a plus from all this. In his responses he did say their breakup had 'been shit'. It's nice to hear that he hasn't been having a whale of a time whilst she's been over analysing everything, crying and wondering what's wrong with her, but still - he did bring it on himself.
I guess what I am getting to is this; people break up for a reason, we can't stroll around with our heads in the clouds thinking that maybe the other person regrets what happened, if they did they would be in our life. Even my recent revelations with Mr Rebelious have taught me that. He is insistent that I'm like the love of his life or something, I find that very hard to believe. Where the hell has he been these last 5 years? He says there were so many times he wanted to message but he didn't. Hmm. I'm just not sure. I know I would do anything to make sure I keep someone I love in my life, even if that is sending one teeny text message.
