Free and single

I've had a really good few days. Work, although hectic, has been good, I've spent time with some really good friends and I'm generally feeling more balanced. My home has become my sanctuary, the place I can escape to and just be on my own in. Keeping things clean and tidy and organised. Over all I have been taking better care of myself; with my diet, getting more sleep.

I knew I had turned a corner when twice last week I expressed gratitude for not having a man in my life. The first was when I overheard a friend of a friend say how disappointed she was that her boyfriend had let her down with weekend plans. The second, when a work friend was mid text fight with her boyfriend (now ex) over his inability to call when he said he would.

Firstly, I felt understanding for these chicks. I know how that dread feels. How let down you feel when you thought he was looking forward to that weekend plan/phone call/time together as much as you were. How  you think you would never put up with this sort of flakiness from a friend so why from the boy you love it's suddenly ok. How it's total double standards because you would never treat him that way.

But secondly I felt relived for myself. Relieved that I don't have anyone in my life I need to worry about letting me down. That I don't make half arsed weekend plans whilst  worrying in the back of my mind that something might 'crop up' for him. If I make plans now I do them, I don't have to rely on anybody else. My days, my feelings, my mood is not influenced by anybody else. I am getting back in control and boy do I like to have to control. 

I feel much like I did when I broke up with Mr Rebellious. I was sad for quite some time with him but I knew he wasn't for me. Or at least he could have been for me, if I had wanted the sort of life being with him would have meant. I couldn't be with someone who sneaks off on a lovely holiday with my best friends to go buy drugs. That's not my kinda style. Just like I couldn't be with someone whose Mum still pays his phone bill. I've begun realising that maybe there is some truth in my Mum's opinion that I had a lucky escape. Perhaps I have escaped a few more months, a few more years or even a lifetime of let downs. 

A lot of my friends have told me how much of a good girlfriend I was. In fact, he even told me that. That skill right there is wasted on someone who doesn't return how I feel about them. Someone one day will be just a good a boyfriend as I am a girlfriend and imagine how amazing that relationship will be.