Lunchtime yesterday I was at the checkout in Clinton Cards finding myself enjoying a little joke with the slightly balding, salt-and-pepper haired sales assistant. Upon leaving the shop Brooke exclaimed; "Is their anyone you won't flirt with?!"
I quickly jumped to my own defence, explaining that to me this was not flirting. There was definitely no suggestive jokes, no eyebrow raises, I don't think I even held eye contact (these are clearly my most obvious flirting moves). To me sharing a little joke with a checkout person/bar worker/random in a club is just polite, perhaps even a nice way to bring cheer into someones day. I would actually communicate like this to anyone. Hell, I would even strike up banter like this with a girl!
But Brooke says it was all in my tone of voice. My tone of voice was suggestive, not what I actually said. She went on to say he probably wanted to 'do me'. So firstly this got me thinking about different flirting techniques and then secondly what it means for guys vs. girls.
This is not the first time I have been labelled a massive flirt. Blondie and KK say when I am working behind the bar there isn't a man in the goddam place that I do not flirt with. This is the girl who nine months ago didn't even know how to flirt, I woudn't have even recognised if I was being flirted with. Clearly I have come along way.
OK, so techniques. Well as I discoverd yesterday tone of voice is a biggy; it's not what you say it's how you say it. For example, the following phrases I say quite frequently at the pub and they tend to raise a little smirk on the face of the man of choice; "Would you like a large one?" "How are your nuts?" and my personal favourite "Would you like something to nibble on whilst you wait?". I suppose I say all of the above with a hint of sarcastic, sometimes dead-pan and almost always with an underlying presence of sweet and innocence. Perhaps that's the recipe for the tone of voice flirt.
Along with tone of voice there is the very often discussed form of flirting; banter. I first came across 'banter' in my second year of uni. SR began major flirts with the rugby boys and inparticular the rugby captain and often told us how much she loved his 'banter'. 'Banter' was discussed so much that the rest of us girls couldn't bare to hear the word even whispered by the time we reached our end of year exams. But 'banter' has recently made a come back. KK even messaged me yesterday to say she had been flirting with a couple of 18 year olds; 'Not to sound big headed but I think my best pulling skill is my banter', Of course it is, good 'banter' out weighs everything else. I like to think anyone could woo David Beckham with good 'banter' even if you were wearing your sweaty old pj pants, most favourite holey vest top, with no bra.
Obviously there are a load of other techniques, most of which I am still completely unaware of. Here are a few good'uns:
Eye Contact - love this, especially when the other person feels a little uncomfortable or they lose their train of thought. Do try, it's hilar.
Hair Twizzling - I am frequently accused of pulling this move but in fact I have an undiagnosed, uncontrollable anxiety disorder which means I am constantly twlizzling and pulling out my hair. Therefore tread carefully this one.
Negging - obviously learnt to us from Neil Strus and his book The Game. Insulting your boy or girl of choice just enough for them to think your not interested. It will drive them a little mad thinking that your not at all interested and everyone knows the age old beast of wanting things you can't have...
So is flirting different for guys vs. girls? I think so. I believe girls flirt a lot. I am definitely guilty of flirting with waiters (one particular visit to Pizza Express with my oldest bestie springs to mind - I saved us a tenner on the bill!), car mechanics ('could someone help me with my car?' cue the hair twizzle and the eye contact) and I even like to flirt with the geeky boys who come in the pub because I like to think it makes them feel good.
Guys on the other hand I am not sure. Obviously there are the extremes; the guys who flirt with anything moving vs. the guys who can't even look at a women. But, I believe if a guy is flirting with you then he kinda is interested. Correct me if I am wrong but I believe a guy wouldn't bother to be witty, charming and even think of things to say to a girl who he wouldn't want to get with. It's that simple.
Guys don't use flirting to save money on restaurant bills for the risk of looking like a cheapskate, they wouldn't play the damsel-in-distress card to car mechanics for the risk of looking 'gay' and they definitely wouldn't flirt with the geeky looking girls just to make them feel good. They flirt to get their end away. It's the he's-just-not-that-into-you rule.
