My Summer Fling Virginity

It's official; I'm having a summer romance. 4 dates in and with 3 more already in the diary - I think it's safe to label it now.

I've never had a summer fling before but I've naturally always fancied it. Fun dates in the sunshine, flirty eyes over ice cold beers, smooching just as the sun goes down (it's already been noted that I have watched way too many rom-coms, so just roll with it). It's been fun so far and god knows that's what I need. There's just one teensy little thing... Of course there is, nothing is ever straight forward with dudes and me.

This guy is super eager. Just then, when I said 3 dates already booked in - yea, one refers to a festival. A FESTIVAL PEOPLE. That's a pretty serious date. As soon as one dates over he's on the text later that night pinpointing my next available diary space. It's cute right but I'm just not used to this. The kinda guys I've been dealing with lately have been the absolute opposite of that. I literally had to twist Mr CBAs arm to spend anytime with me. Friday and Saturday nights were off the cards and daytime dates were an even bigger no-no. I was reduced to weekday evenings only, if he even remembered we'd made plans. As for Mr Double Date, he was a little bit more up for it but only if he could fit it around the gym and it was slotted in the dating diary a year in advance. 

I totally understand what gods doing here, I see the irony and his sneaky plan. I moan for ages about meeting a guy who is a keen-bean, someone I didn't have to chase, someone who might actually chase me. And look what he's sent me. 

If I've learnt anything the last couple of years it's that nothing is ever as you imagined it would be. Sadly this dudes eagerness is throwing me off, it appears too good to be true and perhaps it is. I even addressed it with him recently, don't worry, I used a well thought through emoji to get the tone of the text just right. Firstly he asked if it was a bad thing, then he said that he doesn't have a lot of time and that he wants to make the most of it (btw, he's not dying he's just heading back to Uni at the end of the summer). Somewhere amoungst these messages he also admitted to 'enjoying spending time' with me. He also used a carefully selected emoji, you know the one with the monkey covering his eyes? 

My biggest concern with all of this is that perhaps it is too good to be true and let's face it (trying my hardest not to be the cynical old cow I am slowly turning in to), things generally are. I'm going with it though, perhaps he's right, perhaps summer flings are all about making the most of those few months of pub gardens and flip flops. Or maybe I'm gleefully skipping into a another massive disaster. 

The Cougar Club

A friend of mine has begun dating a 20 year old. She's 27. Yep, she's a potential new member of the couger club.

She caught me up on her latest gossip over a civilised dinner last week. You know, the sort of dinner with nice wine, no chips and a latte as a night cap; an adult dinner. The type of dinner adults have. When I say adults I specifically mean anyone 25 plus. A slightly different lady date than one might expect from dating a younger man (or should I say boy...).  

She met this guy, so she tells me, through a new group of 'younger friends' (her quotations, not mine). She didn't need to persuade me how appealing it is to hang out with the younger folk. I too struggle to find Saturday night companions more my age. Most of my friends tend to spend their free time with their lovers and quite rightly so. 

She tells me she hasn't persued any of this, that she has just let this happen and let him do the work and she said she's fully aware of the badge of honour he could well be proudly wearing (on the lapel of his buttoned up polo shirt) if he does succeed in his mission to score with this older chick. 

So what is the harm of a summer fling? She needs one, she deserves some fun in the sun regardless of who it is and indeed how old he is. 

The point I was very quick to raise, from my extremely feminist view point, was this; if this situation was the other way around, no body would be batting an eyelid. If he was 27 and she was 20 this blog post would be entirely irrelevant. Guys date younger girls all the time without the need to question their moral conduct. When I was 21 I dated a 27 year old and barely considered the age gap. I only ever addressed it went poking fun at 'how old' he was - which, believe me, if this young'un does to my friend then there could be severe   consequences...

When looking for reassurance or guidance or some kind of indication that what I'm about to do is acceptable to the outside world, I always look to my idols. And, if being a couger is good enough for Demi, Madge and Jenny from the block then it's good enough for my gal pal. 

Nibble of the travelling bug

Just in case anyone has been left in suspense after my last post - I did go on the Tinder date. Much to the protest of my anxiety it went ok. He was ok. It was all just ok. I left the experience feeling glad with myself for giving it a go but with the knowledge that I wouldn't be in a hurry to put another date in the diary. Not just with this guy but with anyone. 

In the weeks that followed I realised how happy I was without all the worry of a guy. For the first time in ages I have felt content being single. The last thing I want is a guy to come along and mess with my equilibrium. I also realised that if the right guy did come along he wouldn't mess with my equilibrium at all, it would all be rather lovely and I would feel even happier. I think I'm done with wasting my time on guys who I know are no good for me. Maybe I have finally grown up, maybe I am finally content. 

Friends who I have spoken to about my latest realisation have suggested that perhaps this state of mind is the best to be in when looking to meet someone. I'm not sure about that. It sounds like an oxymoron to me; I need to feel content and happy being single to suddenly ditch all that when the next guy comes along. It's a bit like when people say 'you'll find someone as soon as you stop looking'. That entire concept gives hope to those desperately seeking a mate... I think even I've lost my train of thought.

I'm not being negative. Of course I would like to meet someone and spend my time with that one special person. I'm sure I will one day, but I'm happy as I am until that time. 

Instead of boys I'm spending my time dreaming about travelling. Since my last post I bit the bullet and booked my flights for my Californian adventure in September. The scary part was most definitely booking the flights. Now that bits done I can look forward to the sunshine, the road trips and the shopping. I'm hoping this trip is going to spark a travelling fire in me that I've never felt before. I'm hoping to come back feeling encouraged to give up this career malarky for a little while and hop on a plane to Oz. 

I always imagined I would spend the second half of my twenties travelling and exploring new places. I just imagined I would have someone to share all that with. Well so what, I don't. Perhaps I am meant to go alone, perhaps I am meant to find the courage within myself rather than in someone else. Hell, perhaps I'll get married in the little white wedding chapel in Vegas after all!

Dating Anxiety

I've got a date tonight, a Tinder date to be more precise and it's filling me with anxiety.

I met up with the girls the other night. One of them has been unhappy in her job for years but finds the thought of interviewing for a new one flippin scary. That's exactly how I feel about all this dating malarky. I would happily face a super scary interview rather than this date tonight. Interviews and jobs I'm ok at, dating and boys I am crap at. What is all that about?

Quite honestly I can't face another situation where I'm seeing someone, spending time with them and then it doesn't work out. I know that's kind of shooting myself in the foot, you've gotta be in it to win it and all that, but that's just how I feel at the mo. I know this sounds deep but I don't want someone else coming along who makes me lose all sense of emotional control.

I have myself quite a solo routine going on at the moment. I fill my evenings and weekends with the things I want to do with no thought of anybody else. I don't worry if I'm going to be let down by some guy or why he hasn't text back or if all he is interested in is getting some. Sure I want to find someone, a best friend, my very own boy but at the moment I'm happy single and in control. That's right, I just confessed - I am actually happy! 

Purely for the reason of an experience - an online date and potential blog content - I am not going to cancel on this date tonight. As much as I would love to go home after work and watch a film on the sofa in my pjs, I am not going to. I am going outside my comfort zone and meeting a complete stranger for a drink in some bar in London. And what if he cancels? Well that's what I would call fate...

ON IT

I am ON IT. I am focused, I am determined and I am watching every little piece of food that passes my lips. Yes, that's right; I am on a diet.

I don't really want to call it a diet, as every TV dietician will explain, if my weight loss is to be maintained I need to change my whole attitude towards food FOREVER. Not just for a fad couple of weeks. 

I've got some goals. I bought an amaze outfit for a wedding reception I am going to this weekend (if I have to go dateless to any kind of celebration of other peoples love then I am definitely looking hot whilst doing so). And I have my besties wedding in a couple of weeks. Those pictures I will be reminiscing over literally for the rest of my life, so probs best to look my slimmest.

I don't really mean to become a dieting bore and as yet I have refrained from writing anything food related, however, I recognise I need another focus in my life aside from work and what better to be focused on but myself! My new mantra being; healthy body, healthy mind.

I recognise how stereotypical I am; mid-twenties, wine drinker, single and moaning about the size of my thighs. I'm sorry, I truly am. I promise for this here weight issue not to turn into the typical I'm-so-fat-rant. But truthfully, over the last twelve months I have treated food like a boyfriend. We've been spending so much time together, I've been thinking about him all the time, in fact, he's been the highlight of my day. He has quite literally been my only pleasure... But sadly, like all my relationships, it's time to breakup. It's not you, it's me and my uncontrollable reach for the biscuits.

I may jest but it's no joke, I have been greedily over-eating these last few months and more. I love food and I love comfort eating and anything goes; crisps, chocolate, sweets, garlic bread, pizza, fast food, beer... Oh sorry, I was just salivating. But, I have thoroughly enjoyed eating. I have enjoyed letting go, eating what I want when I want and like a true food-aholic my addiction makes me happy. It's just now I have to face the consequences. 

So here goes. I am ON IT. I am self control central. I have my fruit, I have my meal plan for the week and I have an amaze outfit to look my best in. I'll keep you updated. 

To settle or not to settle

I'm contemplating settling. I recognise it's going against all my beliefs and pretty much everything I have been working towards for the past ten tears but I just can't handle the loneliness anymore. I've been weighing up loneliness and perfectness and the scales are becoming imbalanced. Perhaps it's time I just did what I think a lot of other lonely people do - pick a nice guy and just make do with a standard relationship.

Ever since I broke up with Mr Reliable (aged 20, a whole 7 years ago!!!) I have been in persuit of this perfect relationship. I have been holding out with hope that it or he will come along one day. Don't get me wrong, it's not a perfect guy I'm looking for, god knows I'm not that fussy, it's the perfect union thing.

So far I have spent my twenties as an idealist. I have been floating around wanting only the best. Not in a competitive kind of way, just with a you-only-live-once-why-settle attitude. I work hard for all the things I think I want, including this perfect relationship. 

Up until now only one guy has come along who I actually thought could fill that spot. I don't mean it to sound so controlled. The romantic part is that this so isn't controlled; this guy could be anyone! As long as I feel the thing I want to feel then it's possible, he could be (for want of any other words) the one. 

At 27 I find myself doubting all the things I ever thought I wanted. I'm doubting this perfect relationship thing too. Maybe I got it wrong. Maybe it doesn't exist. Maybe I'm running too high a risk at always being single and ending up old and alone. 

I know what your thinking. I'm thinking it too. It's the constant battle going on inside my head; if I am going to settle why didn't I just settle with Mr Reliable. That's the million dollar question. Mr Reliable would have been the most perfect settling down guy, but back at twenty I didn't know this! I wanted to find out, I wanted to take the risk, I wanted to actually get my heart broken (horrific but true, I even wrote it in my blinking diary!). 

If only I could add a voting form on this post, I need advice and opinions! As horric as this sounds, I sometimes feel like I fly the flag for all my in-a-relationshipped friends who sometimes wonder what would have happened if they hadn't settled. Up until now the results have looked good; I eat of Cath Kidston china for godsake. But suddenly this is not enough. I need a companion, a best friend, someone to argue with about wallpaper. Oh god. I think it's time to settle.

Generation Gypsy

A friend just sent me this very interesting article. If you don't fancy the read (although I highly advise you should) it pretty much explains why our generation, generation Gypsy (nothing to do with big fat weddings), find themselves unhappy despite all the successes we have experienced. The article uses this amazing equation:

Happiness = Reality - Expectations

This equation made so much sense to me that I kinda found myself wondering why I hadn't come up with it before, which nicely leads onto the point of Gypsy's being delusional... I also enjoyed the Facebook Image Crafting. 

Mostly I loved the article. It was scarily relevant. I am a generation Gypsy, my parents are Baby Boomers and my Grandparents were WW2 survivors. I do have unrealistic expectations with regards to my overall life, I like to think I am 'wildly ambitious' and I confess that I am deluded when it comes to life and mainly my relationships. 

However, I am not delusional about my career. 

I know, I know - I totally sound like this part...

'Even right now, the Gypsys reading this are thinking "Good point... but I actually am one of the few special ones"'

I do not think I am special. I do not think I am owed anything. I know if I want the career, the job, the money that I do, I will have to go out there and work hard for it. I certainly have never thought 'a great career is an obvious given for someone as expectational' as myself. I don't expect my career and life path 'to stand out amongst the crowd'. I don't think I am destined for something better - I just want to be. 

I suppose, to be brutally honest (which lets face it, I am most of the time) the trouble I have in my own happiness equation is not work related at all. It's much deeper than my career. As far as I'm concerned, my career is on the right track; I am proud of where I am but I recognise the long journey ahead of me. 

I am, however, disappointed by how my relationships have turned out. I did expect to be in a long term relationship by the time I turned 27 - who wouldn't expect that? I suppose, in that respect, the article is bang on. 

After identifying all of the above, the article concludes with three simple actions to follow along your life and career path:

1. Stay wildly ambitions

2. Stop thinking that you're special

3. Ignore everyone else

As I already hold this view point with regards to my career, perhaps I should apply these rules to the part of my life that I do feel disappointed by; relationships.