The No-Game Game

My summer romance is hotting up and just like this current heat wave, I definitely plan to make the most of it - ha! Without meaning to sound smug, I have been having the most fun I ever have had dating! Who knew dating could be this fun? Certainly none of my ex snogs.

Over the past 6 weeks I have experienced the kind of dates you come to expect from watching any Ryan Gosling film and from reading all those airy-fairy chick lits. In the first few weeks we of course did the usual drinks/dinner/cinema thing, but this dude - Mr Boy - thinks outside the box. 

One Sunday evening he suggested a spontaneous BBQ (spontaneous because I have no garden and no BBQ, not because I think BBQs are all that wild). He drove over to mine, nipped to the shop and stocked up on BBQ goodies; disposable BBQ, burgers, sausages, Corona and of course the traditional BBQ essential - a pack of playing cards. We sat on the embankment of the river in my home town until 1130; eating, drinking and me losing at Rummy. I would go as far to say it was the best BBQ I've had all summer. 

Games have become quite a thing for our dates. By games I do actually mean real competitive games, not those type of games I'm used to playing with boys - the is-he-or-isn't-he-interested ones. No, no, no, proper games where there are actual written rules and everything.

Other games we have played as well as cards include bowling. Exactly like in Greese 2 we have donned those silly shoes and joyfully screamed 'Shoot the bowl!' - although I think I might be the only one who enjoys that reference. I'm not sure he's even aware of a Greese 2, in fact, I'm not sure he's even aware of a Greese 1 or John Travolta for that matter... Anyway, I was useless, but I really liked the shoes so we went back the following week where I embarrassingly got beaten again. 

I've tried to re-cover from my bowling embarrassment (my bowling ego is on the floor) by whipping out my pool skills. Thanks to my Dad and summer holidays as a child spent in Spain, my pool skills are not too shabby. Unfortunately I'm yet to win a game against this bowling/pool playing pro.

Then there was my games night. Four of us in total indulged in nachos and Camembert (something for every type of cheese lover) and a couple of jugs of Cosmo's before undertaking the most epic and drunken of games nights. Articulate, Heads Up and Bullshit were our games of choice, a nice mix I thought of tradition, modern technology and good old fashioned blasphemy. You can probably guess who came out triumphant.

How refreshing does all of the above sound? How lovely it is to actually have fun hanging out with someone without worrying about weather or not he is using me for sex, where this all is going and if he will even text me back the next day. I kind of feel that the beauty of him is that he is yet to be messed up by a chick, he hasn't experienced all the let downs and shit that I have over the last six years, he's all new and how lucky am I?!

My Summer Fling Virginity

It's official; I'm having a summer romance. 4 dates in and with 3 more already in the diary - I think it's safe to label it now.

I've never had a summer fling before but I've naturally always fancied it. Fun dates in the sunshine, flirty eyes over ice cold beers, smooching just as the sun goes down (it's already been noted that I have watched way too many rom-coms, so just roll with it). It's been fun so far and god knows that's what I need. There's just one teensy little thing... Of course there is, nothing is ever straight forward with dudes and me.

This guy is super eager. Just then, when I said 3 dates already booked in - yea, one refers to a festival. A FESTIVAL PEOPLE. That's a pretty serious date. As soon as one dates over he's on the text later that night pinpointing my next available diary space. It's cute right but I'm just not used to this. The kinda guys I've been dealing with lately have been the absolute opposite of that. I literally had to twist Mr CBAs arm to spend anytime with me. Friday and Saturday nights were off the cards and daytime dates were an even bigger no-no. I was reduced to weekday evenings only, if he even remembered we'd made plans. As for Mr Double Date, he was a little bit more up for it but only if he could fit it around the gym and it was slotted in the dating diary a year in advance. 

I totally understand what gods doing here, I see the irony and his sneaky plan. I moan for ages about meeting a guy who is a keen-bean, someone I didn't have to chase, someone who might actually chase me. And look what he's sent me. 

If I've learnt anything the last couple of years it's that nothing is ever as you imagined it would be. Sadly this dudes eagerness is throwing me off, it appears too good to be true and perhaps it is. I even addressed it with him recently, don't worry, I used a well thought through emoji to get the tone of the text just right. Firstly he asked if it was a bad thing, then he said that he doesn't have a lot of time and that he wants to make the most of it (btw, he's not dying he's just heading back to Uni at the end of the summer). Somewhere amoungst these messages he also admitted to 'enjoying spending time' with me. He also used a carefully selected emoji, you know the one with the monkey covering his eyes? 

My biggest concern with all of this is that perhaps it is too good to be true and let's face it (trying my hardest not to be the cynical old cow I am slowly turning in to), things generally are. I'm going with it though, perhaps he's right, perhaps summer flings are all about making the most of those few months of pub gardens and flip flops. Or maybe I'm gleefully skipping into a another massive disaster. 

The Cougar Club

A friend of mine has begun dating a 20 year old. She's 27. Yep, she's a potential new member of the couger club.

She caught me up on her latest gossip over a civilised dinner last week. You know, the sort of dinner with nice wine, no chips and a latte as a night cap; an adult dinner. The type of dinner adults have. When I say adults I specifically mean anyone 25 plus. A slightly different lady date than one might expect from dating a younger man (or should I say boy...).  

She met this guy, so she tells me, through a new group of 'younger friends' (her quotations, not mine). She didn't need to persuade me how appealing it is to hang out with the younger folk. I too struggle to find Saturday night companions more my age. Most of my friends tend to spend their free time with their lovers and quite rightly so. 

She tells me she hasn't persued any of this, that she has just let this happen and let him do the work and she said she's fully aware of the badge of honour he could well be proudly wearing (on the lapel of his buttoned up polo shirt) if he does succeed in his mission to score with this older chick. 

So what is the harm of a summer fling? She needs one, she deserves some fun in the sun regardless of who it is and indeed how old he is. 

The point I was very quick to raise, from my extremely feminist view point, was this; if this situation was the other way around, no body would be batting an eyelid. If he was 27 and she was 20 this blog post would be entirely irrelevant. Guys date younger girls all the time without the need to question their moral conduct. When I was 21 I dated a 27 year old and barely considered the age gap. I only ever addressed it went poking fun at 'how old' he was - which, believe me, if this young'un does to my friend then there could be severe   consequences...

When looking for reassurance or guidance or some kind of indication that what I'm about to do is acceptable to the outside world, I always look to my idols. And, if being a couger is good enough for Demi, Madge and Jenny from the block then it's good enough for my gal pal. 

First Date Games

I have a situation. Of course, by situation I mean a boy. To be matter of fact, I actually have a date. A first date.

First dates are odd aren't they? A bit like a job interview really; 'What do you do?' 'Do you have any hobbies?' 'Where do you see yourself in five years?'. The first date is a job interview where neither one of you want to be seen to overly want to get. Both applicants are cool and aloof about the job on offer.

Of course not all job interviews, er I mean first dates, go this way. Sometimes you come across applicants who are mega keen. I've interviewed a few who have been very clear of what they want out of the job in question, namely a wife and kids. Obviously that kind of directness is off putting, well to me anyway. I guess even in a real life job interview the sucker-uppers never get through to the second stage. It's the ones who have that perfect balance of skill, attitude and confidence. 

This leads me to consider if first date games are an absolute necessary part of the dating process. Perhaps we need a bit of aloofness and lets-pretend-I-don't-even-fancy-you to keep things interesting and fun. Perhaps if two people met up in a swanky bar, ordered a couple of drinks and opened the chitchat with 'I really fancy you, will you be my boyfriend' the whole concept of dating would be ruined. This comes as a challenge to me. I am a heart-on-your-sleeve kind of gal. I tell everyone my secrets, I'm as honest as a nun. Dating games are difficult. This time however I am going to play. 

Perhaps I need to attack this situation like a would with a job (I'm pretty sure this was my downfall last time but oh well...). I think I want this job, I just need to find out a bit more about the, ahem, package. What are the benefits? Is there a lot of opportunity? What's the probationary period like? 

So my strategy looks a bit like this:

1. Aloof - I will not confess my interest in this job, I mean boy, oh no I mean game, oh god I have no idea. I will be cool as a cue, keep my distance, leave him guessing. 

2. Observe - whilst being my very unnaturally aloof self, I will sit back and look out for the IOIs (you remember my FPUA days right?). I need to keep sight of what his intensions. Which leads me on to my third and final rule...

3. A sex ban - that's right kids, no sex. It won't be easy but it's going to happen. I always fall in love with the guys I have sex with. I'm a passionate gal, I don't just have sex for sex sake, it's emotional for me. 

So that's it. My current situation will be battled with me acting like a don't care, whilst tying to find out if he does and keeping my legs shut. Sounds to me like I have this job in the bag...

Mr Double Date Update

This week's been a bit tricky. I'm not sure if it's the holiday come down, pms, bipolar or all three, but getting on with regular things has been difficult.

Work is one big chunk of my life that I find challenging when I'm feeling like this. Having to go in and do a good job, not least just being on top of things, is not easy. To ease the pressure I tell myself to not worry about doing a great job but to just do the essentials, no need to load myself down with extra pressure of trying to impress people. 

It can be difficult to get stuff done at home after a long day of trying to keep motivated at work, but I've read some really good advice on this. They say to just set yourself the smallest of tasks, once you complete these you get that sense of achievement which boosts your self esteem, hence that feel good feeling. 

Last night I recycled a load of old magazines and catalogues. Tonight I am going to collapse the clothes horse that hangs about it my living room all bloody week. If I'm feeling particularly accomplished after that I might clean the bathroom. I did say 'might', no pressure or anything. Oh and certainly no crisps for dinner, although I do have a taste for thyme flavoured chicken with a side of humous. They're not wrong those clever people at Walkers; this combo really is a taste sensation.

There is one thing playing on my mind, I didn't want to write too much about it because it's confusing but perhaps I need to get it out of my mind. I've even been struggling with my own personal journal recently. 

So you know Mr Double Date? Well we went out again last week. In the build up to it I was a little excited (well, as much as I can be at the mo). I was looking forward to another nice evening chit-chatting and getting to know him some more. I kind of got the impression that he has his own issues at the mo too. If you add his confused mind to mine you've got yourself some messed up conversation. And it was. Conversation was a little odd.

Since we went out last I hadn't heard from him so the other night I messaged just asking how his week was. His reply was really down, which I could kinda understand. There were a few more tennis texts all along the same lines. I SOS text a gal pal exclaiming that he seemed weird and that I am weird enough without any added external influences. She suggested putting a stop to the whole dating thing, but since then he has asked if I want to go out again. Do I? I'm not sure. 

When I think more about it (which I constantly am, obviously) it crosses my mind that it's probably not him at all. I don't think I want to get involved with anyone. Even if the man of my dreams strolled along right now I think I would find something wrong about the situation, cling on to it and eventually use it as an excuse to dump him.

But you see, this is where it gets complicated, because in the same breath I don't want to be alone either. Gosh. Can you see how my little fucked up brain works now? I feel too fragile without hope of my current situation changing. A friend at work also suggested I should knock this Mr Double Date thing on the head, but you see it's not as simple as that. It's flipping symbolic now because this exercise was ment to be me getting back out there. Now it just feels like another boy disaster. Oh tits. 

The dating game

Last night was my second date with a different guy in the last five days. I'm getting quite good with this date malarkey, even if I do say so myself. Last night was really good! I was slightly concerned Mr Double Date would be a bit awkward, but as I don't really allow awkward situations (remember my super power of chat that wards of anything remotely awkward) it was ok.

During après text with KK at about midnight last night, she asked if he was as mysterious as we had wondered. And he kind of was. Mysterious in a good way, you know a bit of a closed book, something alien to someone like me who shares everything with everyone. There was some flirting too which was nice, this was sort of missing from my date with Mr Friends Brother. There was some innuendo and a teeny bit of touching. 

We left the pub quite late, one of the last few in the place (always a good sign) and he drove me home. I was getting a bit excited/anxious about the drop off to-kiss-or-not-to-kiss thing. I kinda wanted to (another good sign) but I chickened out. Anyway if I've learnt anything from KK recently it's to keep them guessing so that's not such a bad thing. 

During my escape there was the usual 'this was nice, we should do it again' to which I replied 'yea sure', he then put the ball back in my court by saying 'get in touch'. Oh tits, I do not want the ball whatsoever. I was hoping he would have text last night to say 'had a nice time blah blah blah' but he didn't. Maybe he'll text this morn... Oh shit, I'm back to the guessing game again.

Holiday countdown

Only three more alarm calls until my week in the sunshine, not that I'm counting of course. I have attempted to get organised, I have even wrote a list of things to pack and things to do. The things to do list involves washing, travel insurance and picking up another bikini; you know, the essentials. I'm super busy this week as well which is good, the time will probably fly past. 530 on Friday is going to feel incredible.

Here's some boy related news; I went out on date number one last Friday and I have a date tonight with boy number two. At the weekend there was even the potential of a boy number three but that's just greedy, right? Date number one was nice, even if I did get a little drunk on Mojitos and get invited to an orgy by some couger at the bar. He was sweet (my date, not the couger), we chatted lots and it was refreshing for him to be genuinely interested in me. Will I go out with him again? Yea maybe, as usual I'm just going with flow.

Tonight should be interesting with Mr Double Date. I don't think I'm going to drink though, not because I don't want to get drunk (silly billy) but because I don't fancy being in this dudes car alone! I don't know him and we're heading to this pub by this lake where all the Bedford murderes take their dead bodies, not that I've thought too much about it...

Going with the flow part 2

So I've been asked out on two dates. I bet your thinking 'fantastic! Go get 'em! Do it for us relationship bound bores!'. Well I'm not thinking any of those things. I'm actually thinking that I really can't be arsed. I know I'm being a cow, sometimes I like to be.

I text Mr Double Date on Monday. I just thought I should, it's not like I have loads of offers (well I've got two to be precise). I thought I should just go for it. You know, go with the flow.Then Mr Friends Brother  text and again, I thought 'why not?'. There was some texts back and fourth; I was going with the flow.

Well the flow has now lead me to a decision making crossroads; to date or not to date. Oh god, I am hating having to make any decisions at all at the moment. This one could end me up in all sorts of drama I really cannot be bothered with. Although, one question that keeps playing on my mind is why not? What's an evening out, a drink, some texting? All innocent fun, well it's supposed to be fun even if I'm not feeling it at the moment.

And so, in the spirit of going with the flow I've decided to take these two boys up on their offers. I now have two dates lined up before my holiday #playingthefield. 

Post Date Evaluation

Double-date night was fun. It was a little awkward which was a bit strange but it was ok. My usual defence for awkward situations is to just talk my way through it. And I did. When the evening came to a close my GF said the obligatory 'this was fun, we should do it again' to which I agreed. Since then however I haven't been all that fussed. He was nice, don't get me wrong, but he seemed quite young. I'm just not sure we're on the same page with things and I've tried it with plenty of those guys in the past. It just doesn't work.

A few days later my GF sent me his number saying Mr Double Date had asked for it to be passed along. That's nice I guess but it means the balls in my court; that completely goes against my current action plan of not doing any chasing. Plus, I'm really not bothered enough to do any chasing. Ah well, it hasn't even been a week yet. If I change my mind I can always get in touch. Nothing else to report on any other date action, but that's ok. It's nice to get to know new people but I'm not that fussed at the moment. 

This week I have mainly been enjoying my job (major development, although I don't want to speak too soon) and nesting. My speciality has become late night DIY. I have been spontaneously deciding to put up picture shelves and coat hooks at ludicrous times of the day (and yes, sometimes under the influence of wine). Nothing too challenging I know, but it kind of is without the right equipment. I've really had to put my man drawer to the test (and how far my Dads love will stretch when it comes to rescuing me at 1030 at night with his electric drill). 

I've been thinking about redecorating too. It would be a nice weekend project now that I have both days to myself. Last night I was shopping Ikea's mobile site and taking screen grabs of the bits I like and Pinterest has become my porn. Perhaps I'm channeling all that wasted boy energy into my biggest love; my home.