First Date Games

I have a situation. Of course, by situation I mean a boy. To be matter of fact, I actually have a date. A first date.

First dates are odd aren't they? A bit like a job interview really; 'What do you do?' 'Do you have any hobbies?' 'Where do you see yourself in five years?'. The first date is a job interview where neither one of you want to be seen to overly want to get. Both applicants are cool and aloof about the job on offer.

Of course not all job interviews, er I mean first dates, go this way. Sometimes you come across applicants who are mega keen. I've interviewed a few who have been very clear of what they want out of the job in question, namely a wife and kids. Obviously that kind of directness is off putting, well to me anyway. I guess even in a real life job interview the sucker-uppers never get through to the second stage. It's the ones who have that perfect balance of skill, attitude and confidence. 

This leads me to consider if first date games are an absolute necessary part of the dating process. Perhaps we need a bit of aloofness and lets-pretend-I-don't-even-fancy-you to keep things interesting and fun. Perhaps if two people met up in a swanky bar, ordered a couple of drinks and opened the chitchat with 'I really fancy you, will you be my boyfriend' the whole concept of dating would be ruined. This comes as a challenge to me. I am a heart-on-your-sleeve kind of gal. I tell everyone my secrets, I'm as honest as a nun. Dating games are difficult. This time however I am going to play. 

Perhaps I need to attack this situation like a would with a job (I'm pretty sure this was my downfall last time but oh well...). I think I want this job, I just need to find out a bit more about the, ahem, package. What are the benefits? Is there a lot of opportunity? What's the probationary period like? 

So my strategy looks a bit like this:

1. Aloof - I will not confess my interest in this job, I mean boy, oh no I mean game, oh god I have no idea. I will be cool as a cue, keep my distance, leave him guessing. 

2. Observe - whilst being my very unnaturally aloof self, I will sit back and look out for the IOIs (you remember my FPUA days right?). I need to keep sight of what his intensions. Which leads me on to my third and final rule...

3. A sex ban - that's right kids, no sex. It won't be easy but it's going to happen. I always fall in love with the guys I have sex with. I'm a passionate gal, I don't just have sex for sex sake, it's emotional for me. 

So that's it. My current situation will be battled with me acting like a don't care, whilst tying to find out if he does and keeping my legs shut. Sounds to me like I have this job in the bag...

Paco Robanne, Millionaire

Care free, 22 and totally infatuated with Mr Rebellious. He would turn up at my front door in his favourite (poorly ironed) shirt, baggy jeans and drenched in his man perfume. His tight, black curls would be gelled and his face freshly washed and shaved. I'd totter to his beaten up, silver Vauxhaul Astra, open the door and move cigarette packets and chief paraphernalia off the front seat. He'd wined down the window, light up a cigarette and say something along the lines of; 'you look gorgeous honey' and away we'd go.

Funny how smells ignite a memory, a feeling, a moment in time. It's been three years since I last saw Mr Rebellious and since I put an end to the whole on-again-off-again drama. It's been five years since I started seeing him. It doesn't seem that long ago...

Sunday 16th November 2008
I am officially nuts. Been at work tonight as usual, really gotta talk about this whole [Mr Rebellious] thing. For the past couple weeks he had been really mean to me, so last week we (Becca, me, him) end up going out on Sat night. Cause I was a bit pissed I was dancing and flirting and we ended up outside chatting and we kinda sorted all this stuff out. Work Sunday was good because we were just having a laugh about the night before.
Then, this Friday I went out with Becca and some others from work. I was absolutely wrecked, puking up outside and EVERYTHING. Guess who came to my rescue!!
So Saturday night at work I was just apologising etc. Now, tonight we were just doing the usual flirting thing and I think I'm in trouble because I think I like him!! It's insane, not even my type, totally the wrong sorta person but I genuinely think I like him. And [the] thing is, if I don't take this opportunity now then I'm a dick. He's leaving in a few weeks anyway. Argh! Shall I text him? Oh god

 

Next!

I was completely right not to spill too much about my latest fling; unsurprisingly it went amazingly tit's up over the weekend. To cut a long story short, it turns out I had once again began to fall for the loser, you know the he-will-change kind of guy. After the realisation on Friday night (after a very stupid confession by him) I sent a farewell text containing the phrases; how do I know you didn't sleep with her and a very dramatic but very necessary I thought you were someone else. You can probably guess the rest.

If I am being honest I am really upset; I really liked hanging out with him, I genuinely thought it could have turned into something. I am also really annoyed, but not at him, I am annoyed at myself for letting myself get into this sort of pickle all over again, I feel stupid to be right back where I was at the age of 22. In a nutshell I feel like a failure.

I have got a tiny bit of positive thinking going on though, just enough to think I cannot let some loser guy get to me this much. Also the girls have been their usually super supportive selves. KK says my experience with my previous Mr Rebelious prepared me for this latest disaster and that's what made me see the warning signs. Blondie admited that they also thought deep down he was a good guy too. As always, great gal pal advice. I am seriously considering giving up boys in favour of two girlfirends. I can honestly say no man has ever been as there for me as these two.

So on-wards and quite honestly up-wards; my taste in men couldn't get much lower. I have set myself a challenge of getting a new date lined up by the weekend and I have already made leeway with this. You know me, I don't waste any time. I think I need a distraction from my very low opinion of myself right now. When there's a guy about I can at least think well so-and-so thinks I am funny/sweet/cute/sexy. This is totally the thing your not supposed to admit to by the way, it's in every single girl guide book but screw it! You can always rely on me to be totally open and honest.

I have also turned the one woman comedy act back on. I have been entertaining everyone with tales from my deeply depressive single life where I am constantly in search of the one thing to make me truely and forever more happy; a man. Quite honestly all I really want is just a decent sort of guy I can hang out with who doesn't dick me around - v hard to find, v hard.

Lessons learnt from my latest failed venture:
1. always listen to your instinct - something reminded me too much of Mr Rebelious from day 1
2. do not fall first - this only ever lands you in trouble and him trotting off unscathed
3. head over heart, head over heart, head over heart
4. do not get fooled by your imagination - my imagination can fuck right off

So that's me for now. I will of of course be keeping you posted on my new challenge. I think this week is going to be tough so I will probably be doing lots of writing, sleeping and eating.

Well hello 2013 and hello resolutions

I have been AWOL these last couple of weeks. I blame Christmas, laziness and a boy. I would love to sit here and tell you all about my latest boy situ (and believe me, I have lots to write about) but truth be told I kind of don't want to. I'm kinda keeping it on the down low at the moment anyway, so writing it up on here for the whole entire world to see (if they really wanted to) would sort of put a stop to that.

With my own boy-bipolar off limits that only leaves my gal pals lives to catch you up on. However, it doesn't really seem fair to dish their dirt but not my own. So whilst the jury is out on what to tell you r.e. the boys in our lives I will instead write a New Year resolutions post.

I love New Year. I always look upon it as a time to reflect over the previous year and to look forward to all the amazing things that could happen in the one ahead. Obviously if you have had a pretty shitty year it's not so great to look back and reflect, but New Year is still the perfect time to put that all behind you and look to the future.

As I love New Year so much I obviously always plan resolutions. For the past couple of years I have tried to limit them to only 2 or 3; in the hope of increasing the odds of actually fulfilling them. Last year I resolved to realise that I simply cannot please everyone, that there will definitely be people I come across who don't like me no matter what I do. I think I actually completed this resolution. I couldn't give a monkey's if someone doesn't like me any more. In fact I quite like it - it's one less person I have to make all the effort with (e.g. attempt conversation, arrange to see). Quite simply Fuck 'em. I am quite happy to sit in an awkward environment for an entire evening if necessary. Just you dare me...

This year I have 2 resolutions.

Firstly I plan to take back up my childhood/teenage hobby of dancing. Yes yes, I know, I dance pretty much every Saturday night on the postagestamp sized grimmy floor of The Rose, but this doesn't really count. I actually mean a dance class. For 15 years I danced tap, ballet, modern and I also studied contemporary dance for A Level. Ok, so I didn't pass with an A* or anything (that's sort of why I didn't carry it on) but it was such a huge part of my life growing up. Now at the age of 25 it is nowhere to be seen in my sober life. I resolve to go back to lessons once a week, get moving a bit more and simply HAVE LOADS OF FUN (whilst learning some sexy new moves).

My second resolution for 2013 is to be less of bitch. When I have been talking to people about New Year resolutions it has been quite nice that most people have been surprised at this one, but I think these are the people who don't really know me too well. I can be a massive cow. Just horrible really, short, snappy, outspoken, opinionated etc. Don't get me wrong, all these personality traits do make me who I am but I think I am going to tone them down a little this year, bite my tongue a bit more and generally be a nicer person. Perhaps then I won't have to worry about my last years resolution.

Along with these there are the obvious ones; lose a few pounds, make this year the year I have that killer body, read more. These will be loitering in the background too. I am also planning on writing more on here so spread the word and keep checking back for updates. I promise to spill some boy beans.

Happy New Year!

Christmas Missions

I've been a bit quiet this week. This crush situation has developed a little and I am trying my very hardest to keep my true neurotic-self from surfacing and generally fucking things up. Instead I am channelling the cool as a cucumber, confident girl I was in the beginning of this thing. After all, she gets much more attention from the boys than me.

The girls came round last week for Magic Mike night and it stirred so much emotion that we decided we needed to set ourselves missions to complete before Christmas. You know, to get the ball rolling on all this boy stuff. We have quite creatively titled these deadlines as our Christmas Missions.

KK's Christmas Mission: to get with the Italian Stallion she always sees out in town who she is majorly in lust with. She thinks he is 'out of her legue' but we think she's nuts.

Blondie's Christmas Mission: due to the of late dry spell for Blondie when it comes to anything boy we set her the simple mission of getting any action of any sort. 

My Christmas Mission: to snog my crush.

After our Rose free weekend last weekend KK is yet to get her mission underway (although she has undergone some FB stalking, obviously). She is being unusually shy with her Italian Stallion. I am thinking she will back on form this weekend though, think of all that pent up Game that needs releasing. Oh gosh.

Blondie on the other hand is doing quite well. As we were not so specific about the details of Blondie's mission we've come across a little grey area. Blondie has actually seen quite a bit of action this week, mainly number swapping, texting and work flirting, but action all the same. Therefore technically she has completed her Christmas Mission. I've said we need to reassess her mission and set some proper ground rules. Blondie has actually had a pretty good week and all this action comes after she was the ultimate wingman to me last Saturday night. She has been keeping us up to date with her action over our favourite from of communication - FB chat;
Omfgggggg omg omg that guy just walked into work with me and asked for my number arrrrrgh x

She continued to write;
Omg I'm actually cringing. The whole way into work I was just chatting away (like I do) and then when we got here he goes 'so I've been meaning to ask u something, are u single and can I get ur number' hahaha now I feel all awkward haha. He's quite hot actually.

Ever since then my FB inbox has been flashing constantly, full of updates from Blondie on this guy front. Plus she tells us she has had more interest from other guys at work;
Omg omg omg haha girls I think I am giving off vibes or something

 I think this all makes for a very interesting work Christmas do for Blondie in a couple of weekends time.

And my Christmas Mission? Well I'm working on, I'm working on it. It's only a snog - I do that most Saturday nights with randoms right? So it's gotta be easy (see how cool and breezy I am being? On the inside you know I am completely freaking out, doing cartwheels and giggling like a school girl in the highest possible pitch that can only be heard by really starving Lions of the Serengeti and birds).

I have a crush

Remember the guy I briefly mentioned on the bottom of my post earlier in the week? Yea well, unsurprisingly I have gone full steam ahead into full crushing mode. It is not pretty.

The thing with this guy started months ago. Myself and the girls would entertain him and his mates with our Game exploits and at the time I had no interest in him. There was a little bit flirting, but again, I wasn't interested so I just had a laugh with it. Then the girls encouraged me a little; "He looked at you with love in his eyes!" You do not say this to a boy-bipolar sufferer. This is like a truck load of food to a binge eater or a free bar to an alcoholic. Obviously I fell of the waggon. I started thinking perhaps I do like this guy and perhaps he fancied me back.

I was being cool in the beginning. We exchanged numbers quite coolly, I was even doing a bit of negging which seemed to infuriate him a little. Then I had my Game-free week. I stopped texting Jumper Josh, no more Oil stories and definitely no thinking about new guy.

But then, just as I was writing him off and returning to full health he text me out of the blue. We had a little chit-chat for a day or two and a little bit of text flirt. It was going well, I was being so casual. Then there was the disaster of last Saturday night. Previously I had said to him that I wasn't going out as a part of my laying low thing, but after my family do from hell (which you can catch up on here) I desperately needed the comfort of the Rose and a couple of Jaegerbombs. Amongst all the arranging plans, pre-drinks and heels I dropped him a little text (see how cool I am being?) saying we were now heading out if he fancied it. One text lead to another; he was going to come out, then he wasn't. In the end he didn't.

Sunday I saw him briefly but things were weird. Usually he makes an effort to chit-chat with me and the girls but no, not this time. I was alright with it. Obviously I felt a bit like a dick, like I had been too eager the night before in getting him to come out with us. The girls thought it was weird. So all week I've been trying to figure the situation out; does he fancy me? Was I too eager? What should I do now?
By Thursday I decided it would be a good idea to text him. I blame Brooke, the weekend feeling and my coffee high. There was a little texting but nothing juicy; boring.

Right. I have concluded I am being too available. I am no longer that cool thing from right at the beginning, I have slowly morphed into my actual neurotic self that no guy will ever fall in lust with. Brooke says* I am thinking too much about it all, but hello, I think about everything too much, how else would I create all the content for this?! If I didn't play the Game I would be on the back foot. The news is everyone plays.

If I strip this situation down to it's bare bones it looks like this:
He was a little bit interested because I wasn't. He got a little bit encouragement of off me (the number exchange) and KK (the 'I think she would be interested' chat). Then I took it too far, I went all boy-bipolar on him and showed too much interested. He loses interest because no one ever fancies the one they can get, it's the challenge we love. The less interested he is the more interested I am.

From now on my game plan is this; completely no interest in him but absolute interest in everybody else. Let's face it, it's worth a go. I've already lost my insanity, what else is there to lose?


*I like that I refer to Brooke as the oracle - I think she will like this too ;)

All or nothing

That pretty much sums me up. Food, boys, emotions, wine; I can swing from nothing to everything in the space of 3 seconds. My imagination just runs away from me, it always has.

You know that stereotype in the movies of the girl who meets the guy then imagines walking down the aisle to dum-dum-de-dum? Yea, well I hate to confess this but that is totally me. I suffer horrendously with boy-bipolar. In one short blog post I am pretty much ruining all those hours the sane women of this world have put in demolishing this stereotype.

To give myself a little bit of credit (and to try to earn a little more respect from you) I am not entirely crazy. I do play the whole I-am-totally-not-in-to-you card, usually just after the I-dont-even-know-who-you-are card; I refuse to talk to them, notice them or even give them eye contact. That I am actually very good at. Probably too good. I think this move of mine was the main reason for my very long dry spell after Mr Rebelious. You see, extremes I am very good at; all or nothing.

I do actually think that I am improving with this though, perhaps it's all my Game training. I can now be texting a guy, maybe even dating a guy and not be thinking too far ahead. But everyday's a struggle, once an alcoholic...

I think I am actively going to work on this. I have recently been thinking about meeting up with this Oil guy just to detract from other potential love interests, you know, keeping my options open. Perhaps then I won't find myself going all lady-psycho, after all no one finds that attractive. This all or nothing thing is definitely going to turn into more of a sliding scale. I'll keep you posted.

Crushing

Having a crush is bitter sweet.

A friend of mine split up with a very long term boyfriend nearly two years ago. I am sure she won't mind me saying that she struggled getting over him and that only recently has she started to get involved with new boys. She has also developed a little crush on her boss.I know, very cliche, especially as he is engaged to someone else. Crushing on unavailable people is very common when your attempting to get over someone, when perhaps your feeling a bit low on the self confidence front. Your crush being with someone else is the perfect excuse not to act on your feelings and risk getting hurt all over again.This crushing on your boss thing is quite common. I know another friend who claims she is 'in love' with her boss and has been for quite some time, who again is involved with someone else.

I am naive in most things, but I think I am quite realistic when it comes to relationships. Recently I have realised that being in a long term relationship, whether it be 5 years or 35 years, doesn't mean you will never have feelings for anyone else ever again. Just because you have committed yourself to this other person cannot prevent you coming across someone else you have strong feelings for. The crushing is not an issue, it is kind of inevitable, but its how you deal with it or react to it which can lead to all sorts of issues. Obviously I am writing from a single status point of view and do not claim to be a relationship expert whatsoever.


To flip this on its head, another friend of mine is in a long term relationship and sometimes participates in FB flirting with someone they met nearly ten years ago. It is just FB flirting and they tell me their partner is well aware of it.

Crushes are fantasies. I am a big day dreamer and love nothing more than fantasising about all sorts of situations and relationships. For some people it's a distraction from day-to-day boredom and perhaps even relationship boredom, but in reality these crushes or fantasies may not only work out well but may not meet your high expectations either.

To conclude, in my opinion keep your crush just as that; a fantasy.