Recently I have been observing something I have not experienced for a very long time. Not since the days of my first school romance with Mr Reliable have I felt this way. I am sure you have all experienced this too at one time or another, perhaps it has even been you acting this way.
You know when your gal pal meets a new guy and she quickly disappears off the raider? She's not available for a midweek glass of wine at the drop of a hat anymore, you might have to book her up a whole week in advance - the cheek of it! She might also be slow at texting back; funny how love affects the texting skills.
I have had countless friends disappear into their lovely new relationship. It's not just girls either, boys do it too, actually I sometimes think boys are worse than girls. I like to think of myself as an understanding friend who would never blame any friend for doing this. I sort of think that if that were me I would want my friend to be understanding of my reasons. This honeymoon phase doesn't last that long anyway. Give it a few months or maybe a year and your pal will realise she has been too focused on herself. It's cool. If she doesn't come back to you or if your not supportive of her then the bottom line is your not that good friends.
There is another thing that I have witnessed that happens almost simultaneously when your friend starts dating the right guy as opposed to all those wrong ones. When she meets Mr Right she stops sharing the juicy sex details and you never hear her complain about him not texting her back. It's almost as if things are so perfect she has nothing to talk about (by talk I obviously mean the thing that we girls do best, that's moan). When you finally get hold of your gal pal and book a drink or dinner in for two weeks on Thursday (when the new boyf is away, obvs) she spends the entire evening with a sickly smile plastered across her face and puts a positive spin on EVERYTHING.
Recently I caught myself disappearing a little.
Obviously I am not claiming to have met Mr Right but I think I have met a Mr Right Now. I haven't had a boy in my life like this for quite some time. The last few times I have met up with the girls I have heard the phrase 'oh your just loved up' and more than once let me tell you. I pride myself in never putting bros before hoes and I have always been really good at it. I am independent when it comes to things like friends and socialising, even when in a relationship, but boy am I finding it hard this time round to juggle all things friends and boys.
I have always been determined not to become one of those smug married types. You've all seen Bridget Jones' diary. The bit where she goes alone to the dinner party with a thousand loved up couples and they interrogate her into the working mind of a 30 year old singleton. In a funny sort of way I looked up to her. For most of my early twenties I wanted to be single and man-less just so I could say 'Nope, I don't need a man, women can be cool AND single'. I think that's why I loved Sex and The City so much, they were all very cool and very single for most of the 6 seasons. But surely I can have a boy and still champion the rights for the single women? Beyonce does it. Also my dream of becoming Bridget Jones could still be realised one day.
I suppose this singleton dissapearing act is a bit like the fairy tale ending 'and they lived happily ever after'. Which is lovely and probably something my Mum really wishes for me but I don't think it will happen this way for me. I think no matter my relationship status I will also be a little bit of a singleton.
Showing posts with label Sex and the City. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Sex and the City. Show all posts
Friday, 8 March 2013
Monday, 21 January 2013
Girlfriends vs. Boyfriends
Ever since that moment in series three of Sex and the City when Charlotte suggests that the girls friendships are what they have been looking for all along in relationships with men, I have questioned the importance of girlfriends over boyfriends.
I have so many good girlfriends, all my relationships with them are different (thankfully) but one thing is consistent in all of them; they are always always there for me. Weather I am calling at 11pm in tears over a boy or moaning over a glass of wine about work or worrying about how I am going to afford my latest horrific car bill; my girlfriends will talk endlessly and selflessly about my problems until I am done. And of course I'd like to think that I would do the same right back. This is what I believe to be the real meaning of friendship.
Recently I realised that no guy I have been in a relationship with has ever been there for me as much as my girlfriends (and obviously my Mum). I don't honestly know if any man will ever be there for me as much. I have such high standards when it comes to things like that; I'm a stickler for reliability, I love reliable, dependable people, it's just one of my things. Along with people who are honest and trustworthy I have so much time and respect for people who are dependable. But perhaps that's the thing, perhaps that's the thing I am looking for in my ultimate guy.
I floated the idea of great girl friendships and fun boy relationships with the girls recently. They loved the idea, but what girl wouldn't?! Hands up who wouldn't enter into a trusting, honest relationship with someone who remembers your birthday, who can talk to you and watch the tele at the same time and who you can share shoes with?!
I know what your thinking, this is all well and good but what about sex? Well, there's this high street sex shop where you can buy these amazing toys,with only 4 AA battery's you can... JOKES. How about going elsewhere for the snogs and the sex. Hell, meet a boy on a Saturday night in town, use and abuse and move on. It happens.
And what if you find someone you can have both the relationship and the sex with? Well then you've won.
I have so many good girlfriends, all my relationships with them are different (thankfully) but one thing is consistent in all of them; they are always always there for me. Weather I am calling at 11pm in tears over a boy or moaning over a glass of wine about work or worrying about how I am going to afford my latest horrific car bill; my girlfriends will talk endlessly and selflessly about my problems until I am done. And of course I'd like to think that I would do the same right back. This is what I believe to be the real meaning of friendship.
Recently I realised that no guy I have been in a relationship with has ever been there for me as much as my girlfriends (and obviously my Mum). I don't honestly know if any man will ever be there for me as much. I have such high standards when it comes to things like that; I'm a stickler for reliability, I love reliable, dependable people, it's just one of my things. Along with people who are honest and trustworthy I have so much time and respect for people who are dependable. But perhaps that's the thing, perhaps that's the thing I am looking for in my ultimate guy.
I floated the idea of great girl friendships and fun boy relationships with the girls recently. They loved the idea, but what girl wouldn't?! Hands up who wouldn't enter into a trusting, honest relationship with someone who remembers your birthday, who can talk to you and watch the tele at the same time and who you can share shoes with?!
I know what your thinking, this is all well and good but what about sex? Well, there's this high street sex shop where you can buy these amazing toys,with only 4 AA battery's you can... JOKES. How about going elsewhere for the snogs and the sex. Hell, meet a boy on a Saturday night in town, use and abuse and move on. It happens.
And what if you find someone you can have both the relationship and the sex with? Well then you've won.
Thursday, 15 November 2012
The new rules of dating
I've been meaning to post some sort of dating guide for the 21st century for sometime. Not that I'm a genius in this area, obviously, but all these new fangle-dangle forms of communication have definitely thrown up some new ways of doing things.
During my most impressionable teenage years I spent a lot of my time involving myself in the dating conversations of Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte and Samantha. They spent hours deliberating across morning-after brunch over weather to call the guy or not - this was long before texting, facebook and probably even mobile phones. Back in the day if you broke up with someone you probably had a good chance of never seeing them again, EVER. Nowadays every newly single person finds themselves at the do-I-delete-them-on-facebook crossroads. All these new social issues is what has inspired me to look into the new rules of dating; it's a dating evolution.
The first very important rule is Facebook. Facebook is actually quite a good tool as you can use it for various different flirting methods. I have been known to refer to facebook as my very own match.com. It's fantastic for flirting, it really really is.
Firstly there is the stalking. Facebook stalking is the secret guilty pleasure for everyone with a FB page. This is probably the sole reason we're all on the flippin' thing, well that and to show off how witty you are and how amazing you look pouting in pictures before your night out (just me?). Through a good stalking session you can remind yourself what he looks like, check out his fit friends/ex-girlfriend and see where he went on holiday in 2010.
If the stalking is successful this leads on to the friend request/not request dilemma. I have previously stated that I tend not to add boys on FB. To be honest, the boys I have come across of late are all too eager to do the adding. Regardless of weather you add/accept/not add/decline you can still partake in what I think is the best tool on FB for flirting; the inbox message.
Inboxing is soo good these days. With all this smart phone nonsense, getting an inbox message is pretty much the same as texting only you've side-stepped the awkward number swap scenario. I love a good inbox flirt; it's noncommittal, quick and just soo bloody easy!
Asides from the traditional phonecall, texting is probably the oldest form of flirting these days. Don't get me wrong I love a text flirt too; a well formed witty text with a winky face thrown in is probably my staple move. More recently I have discovered that the wait-twenty-minutes-before-replying thing no longer stands. Texting has got fast and short. Oh god, I don't even know where to begin on the put a kiss/not put a kiss, I think that's your call.
Over the last few years, there have been new additions to these mobile messaging shenanigans, this in the form of BBM, Whatsapp, Viber... the list is probably getting longer as a type. The down side of these app forms of instant messaging is most have the facility to tell if someone has read your message and not replied; talk about encouraging you to turn into that psycho girl you try so desperately not to be; 'I know Luke has read my message - why has he not replied? WHY?!'
On the plus side, these free instant messaging services enable you to also send pictures. The days of paying £1.50 to send an MMS message from your old Nokia 3310 are over. Why pay when you can send a saucy snap over BBM and follow it up with a raised-eyebrow smiley for free?! Happy days. Perhaps this was the real reason behind Blackberry developing this application. But please be warned, if your sending a new guy snaps (which they are increasingly asking for BTW) be wary about including your face in the frame; it's much easier to deny that it is actually you if it's just your boobs. Well, that is unless everyone knows about your third nipple, if that is the case then your fucked.
During my most impressionable teenage years I spent a lot of my time involving myself in the dating conversations of Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte and Samantha. They spent hours deliberating across morning-after brunch over weather to call the guy or not - this was long before texting, facebook and probably even mobile phones. Back in the day if you broke up with someone you probably had a good chance of never seeing them again, EVER. Nowadays every newly single person finds themselves at the do-I-delete-them-on-facebook crossroads. All these new social issues is what has inspired me to look into the new rules of dating; it's a dating evolution.
The first very important rule is Facebook. Facebook is actually quite a good tool as you can use it for various different flirting methods. I have been known to refer to facebook as my very own match.com. It's fantastic for flirting, it really really is.
Firstly there is the stalking. Facebook stalking is the secret guilty pleasure for everyone with a FB page. This is probably the sole reason we're all on the flippin' thing, well that and to show off how witty you are and how amazing you look pouting in pictures before your night out (just me?). Through a good stalking session you can remind yourself what he looks like, check out his fit friends/ex-girlfriend and see where he went on holiday in 2010.
If the stalking is successful this leads on to the friend request/not request dilemma. I have previously stated that I tend not to add boys on FB. To be honest, the boys I have come across of late are all too eager to do the adding. Regardless of weather you add/accept/not add/decline you can still partake in what I think is the best tool on FB for flirting; the inbox message.
Inboxing is soo good these days. With all this smart phone nonsense, getting an inbox message is pretty much the same as texting only you've side-stepped the awkward number swap scenario. I love a good inbox flirt; it's noncommittal, quick and just soo bloody easy!
Asides from the traditional phonecall, texting is probably the oldest form of flirting these days. Don't get me wrong I love a text flirt too; a well formed witty text with a winky face thrown in is probably my staple move. More recently I have discovered that the wait-twenty-minutes-before-replying thing no longer stands. Texting has got fast and short. Oh god, I don't even know where to begin on the put a kiss/not put a kiss, I think that's your call.
Over the last few years, there have been new additions to these mobile messaging shenanigans, this in the form of BBM, Whatsapp, Viber... the list is probably getting longer as a type. The down side of these app forms of instant messaging is most have the facility to tell if someone has read your message and not replied; talk about encouraging you to turn into that psycho girl you try so desperately not to be; 'I know Luke has read my message - why has he not replied? WHY?!'
On the plus side, these free instant messaging services enable you to also send pictures. The days of paying £1.50 to send an MMS message from your old Nokia 3310 are over. Why pay when you can send a saucy snap over BBM and follow it up with a raised-eyebrow smiley for free?! Happy days. Perhaps this was the real reason behind Blackberry developing this application. But please be warned, if your sending a new guy snaps (which they are increasingly asking for BTW) be wary about including your face in the frame; it's much easier to deny that it is actually you if it's just your boobs. Well, that is unless everyone knows about your third nipple, if that is the case then your fucked.
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