The Cougar Club

A friend of mine has begun dating a 20 year old. She's 27. Yep, she's a potential new member of the couger club.

She caught me up on her latest gossip over a civilised dinner last week. You know, the sort of dinner with nice wine, no chips and a latte as a night cap; an adult dinner. The type of dinner adults have. When I say adults I specifically mean anyone 25 plus. A slightly different lady date than one might expect from dating a younger man (or should I say boy...).  

She met this guy, so she tells me, through a new group of 'younger friends' (her quotations, not mine). She didn't need to persuade me how appealing it is to hang out with the younger folk. I too struggle to find Saturday night companions more my age. Most of my friends tend to spend their free time with their lovers and quite rightly so. 

She tells me she hasn't persued any of this, that she has just let this happen and let him do the work and she said she's fully aware of the badge of honour he could well be proudly wearing (on the lapel of his buttoned up polo shirt) if he does succeed in his mission to score with this older chick. 

So what is the harm of a summer fling? She needs one, she deserves some fun in the sun regardless of who it is and indeed how old he is. 

The point I was very quick to raise, from my extremely feminist view point, was this; if this situation was the other way around, no body would be batting an eyelid. If he was 27 and she was 20 this blog post would be entirely irrelevant. Guys date younger girls all the time without the need to question their moral conduct. When I was 21 I dated a 27 year old and barely considered the age gap. I only ever addressed it went poking fun at 'how old' he was - which, believe me, if this young'un does to my friend then there could be severe   consequences...

When looking for reassurance or guidance or some kind of indication that what I'm about to do is acceptable to the outside world, I always look to my idols. And, if being a couger is good enough for Demi, Madge and Jenny from the block then it's good enough for my gal pal. 

Wine, cheese and memory lane

I met up with an old work pal last night. It was lovely. Mind you, what can go wrong on an evening spent with wine, cheese and a good ol' catch up.

It's funny how we just all get on with everyday life and every so often take a few hours out to look back over the last few months, catching up old friends on everything 'life'. Those are the times that are good for reflection. 

For months I've felt like all I do is look back and think about what's been happening the last few months. I felt like I was missing myself out on the everyday life. But catching up my friend last night made me realise that I haven't been completely stuck in the past. I'm doing things, I'm trying to look forward. That's better than it was at the start of the year.

Recently I've been reflecting over the last 3 years, all my drama since finishing Uni. I've crammed in quite a few things. Maybe the stress of this year was all of that catching up with me. Maybe it was the realisation that everything I've been focusing on since I was 19 has paid of and now what. Or maybe I've been focusing on the wrong things all this time. Maybe I should have focused more on love and finding that perfect connection and relationship. I don't know; who does? These are those big questions that will get discussed in a few more months time over more wine and cheese. 

My mantra right now is to just think about today. To be excited about today's plans, focused on doing my best and enjoying things. And today I have good plans. I'm doing cocktails with my bestie. Friday's don't get that much better.

New Season, New You

On Monday I saved this image as my phone wallpaper;

I spotted it on Pinterest and just loved it. I wanted it to inspire me and give me something to focus on this week, as opposed to freaking out about the silly little things. I think it's helped! This, along with my Mum's new mantra; One life, live it (oh and some Fleetwood Mac) has got me through the week feeling good.

Today feels like the first day of Autumn, I think I heard somewhere that it actually is. I'm quite looking forward to the next part of the year; snuggly jumpers, the return of super Saturday night tele and new season boots (that's the KG influence). This time last year I was having such a good time working, drinking. I plan to do the same thing this year in the run up to Christmas. Oh and I plan to do it skinny - I've rejoined weight watchers, it's time to shift those extra 14 pounds (that's another blog post which I coincidently have saved in my drafts). 

I didn't tell you about last weekend. Last weekend felt like the good ol' days; Saturday night in The Rose, Sunday afternoon après Rose chats with the girls in The Pub. I loved it. Perhaps that's why I'm looking forward to the next part of the year, perhaps the weather reminds me of all the fun I had last year. Ah well, whatever it is, it's feeling good. 

The Relationship Black Hole

You will all be familiar with the situation. I've written about it before. It's frustrating but unavoidable. And here is the bottom line; your once single (and freely available) gal pal meets a boy.

All of sudden, sometimes over night, she's not so readily available. It is essential to book her up for a drink ('Three weeks on Wednesday?' She has his Uncle Richards 50th BBQ to attend this weekend, the following he's whisking her away to Bath). Sometimes her old favorite hang outs are no longer as desirable with her as they once were. Even when you do manage to drag her away from her boy (and his bed) her favorite topic of conversation is, in fact, him. 

I've experienced this first hand just this week. Twice this past week, with two separate gal pals, I have been squeezed in before boyfriend time. It's not like I even had to do the maths, I was told out right; 'Boyfriends at the gym until 8, he told me to poodle around the area and wait for him but I thought I'd meet you for a drink'. Obviously I was only told this once we had met up and ordered our first round of cocktails. This conversation was not a part of the arrangement texts. If it had been would I have been so readily available? I'm not sure.

There are two things that irritate me most about this. 

Firstly, it appears as if your once best bud who was there for you (and let's not forget, you for her), at the end of the phone, night or day to hear the latest will-he-or-wont-he-text debacle, is actually no longer bothered. She no longer wants to be involved in the exchange of boy-bipolar stories (but of course she doesn't, she doesn't actually have any of her own) .

The second thing that concerns me is this; who's going to be there for your single pal to pick up the (fallout/argument/breakup) pieces? The single pal, that's who! Mr Boyfriend will be out pissed with his mates somewhere whilst the single chicks re-group with wine, chocolate and more wine (oh, and tissues. Lots of them). 

This natural evolution of the single gal friendship is a fairly controversial topic. Every single girl (including me) runs the risk of behaving this way when she meets a boy and she will naturally expect her still single pals to be as understanding as she was with the rest of them. It obviously goes without saying that first and foremost we are pleased and happy for our newly monogamist friend, but just like mother hen we don't want to let them go either. We want to hold on to the memory's, the fun times, the ridiculous drunken stories. Not lose our pal altogether into the new relationship black hole.

I will keep you posted.


P.S.
Read my previous rant The Disappearing Singleton

Post Date Evaluation

Double-date night was fun. It was a little awkward which was a bit strange but it was ok. My usual defence for awkward situations is to just talk my way through it. And I did. When the evening came to a close my GF said the obligatory 'this was fun, we should do it again' to which I agreed. Since then however I haven't been all that fussed. He was nice, don't get me wrong, but he seemed quite young. I'm just not sure we're on the same page with things and I've tried it with plenty of those guys in the past. It just doesn't work.

A few days later my GF sent me his number saying Mr Double Date had asked for it to be passed along. That's nice I guess but it means the balls in my court; that completely goes against my current action plan of not doing any chasing. Plus, I'm really not bothered enough to do any chasing. Ah well, it hasn't even been a week yet. If I change my mind I can always get in touch. Nothing else to report on any other date action, but that's ok. It's nice to get to know new people but I'm not that fussed at the moment. 

This week I have mainly been enjoying my job (major development, although I don't want to speak too soon) and nesting. My speciality has become late night DIY. I have been spontaneously deciding to put up picture shelves and coat hooks at ludicrous times of the day (and yes, sometimes under the influence of wine). Nothing too challenging I know, but it kind of is without the right equipment. I've really had to put my man drawer to the test (and how far my Dads love will stretch when it comes to rescuing me at 1030 at night with his electric drill). 

I've been thinking about redecorating too. It would be a nice weekend project now that I have both days to myself. Last night I was shopping Ikea's mobile site and taking screen grabs of the bits I like and Pinterest has become my porn. Perhaps I'm channeling all that wasted boy energy into my biggest love; my home. 

The Disappearing Singleton

Recently I have been observing something I have not experienced for a very long time. Not since the days of my first school romance with Mr Reliable have I felt this way. I am sure you have all experienced this too at one time or another, perhaps it has even been you acting this way.

You know when your gal pal meets a new guy and she quickly disappears off the raider? She's not available for a midweek glass of wine at the drop of a hat anymore, you might have to book her up a whole week in advance - the cheek of it! She might also be slow at texting back; funny how love affects the texting skills.

I have had countless friends disappear into their lovely new relationship. It's not just girls either, boys do it too, actually I sometimes think boys are worse than girls. I like to think of myself as an understanding friend who would never blame any friend for doing this. I sort of think that if that were me I would want my friend to be understanding of my reasons. This honeymoon phase doesn't last that long anyway. Give it a few months or maybe a year and your pal will realise she has been too focused on herself. It's cool. If she doesn't come back to you or if your not supportive of her then the bottom line is your not that good friends.

There is another thing that I have witnessed that happens almost simultaneously when your friend starts dating the right guy as opposed to all those wrong ones. When she meets Mr Right she stops sharing the juicy sex details and you never hear her complain about him not texting her back. It's almost as if things are so perfect she has nothing to talk about (by talk I obviously mean the thing that we girls do best, that's moan). When you finally get hold of your gal pal and book a drink or dinner in for two weeks on Thursday (when the new boyf is away, obvs) she spends the entire evening with a sickly smile plastered across her face and puts a positive spin on EVERYTHING.

Recently I caught myself disappearing a little.

Obviously I am not claiming to have met Mr Right but I think I have met a Mr Right Now. I haven't had a boy in my life like this for quite some time. The last few times I have met up with the girls I have heard the phrase 'oh your just loved up' and more than once let me tell you. I pride myself in never putting bros before hoes and I have always been really good at it. I am independent when it comes to things like friends and socialising, even when in a relationship, but boy am I finding it hard this time round to juggle all things friends and boys.

I have always been determined not to become one of those smug married types. You've all seen Bridget Jones' diary. The bit where she goes alone to the dinner party with a thousand loved up couples and they interrogate her into the working mind of a 30 year old singleton. In a funny sort of way I looked up to her. For most of my early twenties I wanted to be single and man-less just so I could say 'Nope, I don't need a man, women can be cool AND single'. I think that's why I loved Sex and The City so much, they were all very cool and very single for most of the 6 seasons. But surely I can have a boy and still champion the rights for the single women? Beyonce does it. Also my dream of becoming Bridget Jones could still be realised one day.

I suppose this singleton dissapearing act is a bit like the fairy tale ending 'and they lived happily ever after'. Which is lovely and probably something my Mum really wishes for me but I don't think it will happen this way for me. I think no matter my relationship status I will also be a little bit of a singleton.

Valentine's Day

February the 14th is fast approaching. The one day many singletons dread whilst most couples can't be bothered with. It is a funny little holiday, who even bloody knows why we celebrate it?!

Most people see it as a money making scheme that companies like Clinton Cards, Thorntons and Pizza Express will reap the rewards of (after a quick wikipedia search their not actually that wrong). There is probably much more hype in the build up than in the actual Valentine's doing. There is also that question of why wait for that one day a year to send a love card or give a bunch of flowers; why not do it on a random day in July - bizarrely this is probably more romantic. Personally, I love entering into the spirit of anything (Bonfire night, Christmas, I even love Easter FFS) so something cute on February 14th would of course be welcomed.

Do girls put the pressure on for vday? I don't think there is any girl out there who wouldn't appreciate a little something for Valentine's Day, but by a little something I actually mean a thoughtful act of love from their guy that she didn't have to ask for or even hint at. For some girls just a cuppa tea in bed from their man would probably do. A Valentine's 'don't worry I'll take the bin out' would be the best gift someone could give me. But on the flip side I am sure out there somewhere are the crazy girls expecting it all; 12 red roses, the entire Hotel Chocolat, dinner on top of the Eiffel...

I've only had a few Valentine's with guys. Actually I remember two with Mr Reliable, but none with Mr Rebellious (although I do remember buying him a truck load of orange club biscuits and wrapping them in a bow, I obviously received nothing). I have never bought into all the fuss, I've kept it low key but I do like the idea of doing something nice and lovely. Just a lovely little thing to raise a lovely little smile.

I can however distinctively remember two amazing Valentine's evenings spent with the girls. The first one in my second year of Uni, the four us went to our favourite pizza place called Croma just of Albert Square in Manchester. There was a lot of wine involved and we were obviously the best table in the place. The second also involves pizza, wine, cocktails and a massive hangover on the 15th. There seems to be a theme here.

This year? Well obviously I am single but also in that weird 'seeing someone' camp. What is the deal here?! To be honest I'm not too bothered, all this talk of love is a bit weird when things are still so casual. However I do know that I will be seeing my girls, after all they have been the best boyfriends over the past year. We have planned an evening of cheese, wine and silliness - sounds like the best kind of vday to me. Hmm, the only thing that could top that would be a vday booty call to end the evening. Do Clintons to a card for that?

Girlfriends vs. Boyfriends

Ever since that moment in series three of Sex and the City when Charlotte suggests that the girls friendships are what they have been looking for all along in relationships with men, I have questioned the importance of girlfriends over boyfriends.

I have so many good girlfriends, all my relationships with them are different (thankfully) but one thing is consistent in all of them; they are always always there for me. Weather I am calling at 11pm in tears over a boy or moaning over a glass of wine about work or worrying about how I am going to afford my latest horrific car bill; my girlfriends will talk endlessly and selflessly about my problems until I am done. And of course I'd like to think that I would do the same right back. This is what I believe to be the real meaning of friendship.
Recently I realised that no guy I have been in a relationship with has ever been there for me as much as my girlfriends (and obviously my Mum). I don't honestly know if any man will ever be there for me as much. I have such high standards when it comes to things like that; I'm a stickler for reliability, I love reliable, dependable people, it's just one of my things. Along with people who are honest and trustworthy I have so much time and respect for people who are dependable. But perhaps that's the thing, perhaps that's the thing I am looking for in my ultimate guy.

I floated the idea of great girl friendships and fun boy relationships with the girls recently. They loved the idea, but what girl wouldn't?! Hands up who wouldn't enter into a trusting, honest relationship with someone who remembers your birthday, who can talk to you and watch the tele at the same time and who you can share shoes with?!

I know what your thinking, this is all well and good but what about sex? Well, there's this high street sex shop where you can buy these amazing toys,with only 4 AA battery's you can... JOKES. How about going elsewhere for the snogs and the sex. Hell, meet a boy on a Saturday night in town, use and abuse and move on. It happens.

And what if you find someone you can have both the relationship and the sex with? Well then you've won.

Next!

I was completely right not to spill too much about my latest fling; unsurprisingly it went amazingly tit's up over the weekend. To cut a long story short, it turns out I had once again began to fall for the loser, you know the he-will-change kind of guy. After the realisation on Friday night (after a very stupid confession by him) I sent a farewell text containing the phrases; how do I know you didn't sleep with her and a very dramatic but very necessary I thought you were someone else. You can probably guess the rest.

If I am being honest I am really upset; I really liked hanging out with him, I genuinely thought it could have turned into something. I am also really annoyed, but not at him, I am annoyed at myself for letting myself get into this sort of pickle all over again, I feel stupid to be right back where I was at the age of 22. In a nutshell I feel like a failure.

I have got a tiny bit of positive thinking going on though, just enough to think I cannot let some loser guy get to me this much. Also the girls have been their usually super supportive selves. KK says my experience with my previous Mr Rebelious prepared me for this latest disaster and that's what made me see the warning signs. Blondie admited that they also thought deep down he was a good guy too. As always, great gal pal advice. I am seriously considering giving up boys in favour of two girlfirends. I can honestly say no man has ever been as there for me as these two.

So on-wards and quite honestly up-wards; my taste in men couldn't get much lower. I have set myself a challenge of getting a new date lined up by the weekend and I have already made leeway with this. You know me, I don't waste any time. I think I need a distraction from my very low opinion of myself right now. When there's a guy about I can at least think well so-and-so thinks I am funny/sweet/cute/sexy. This is totally the thing your not supposed to admit to by the way, it's in every single girl guide book but screw it! You can always rely on me to be totally open and honest.

I have also turned the one woman comedy act back on. I have been entertaining everyone with tales from my deeply depressive single life where I am constantly in search of the one thing to make me truely and forever more happy; a man. Quite honestly all I really want is just a decent sort of guy I can hang out with who doesn't dick me around - v hard to find, v hard.

Lessons learnt from my latest failed venture:
1. always listen to your instinct - something reminded me too much of Mr Rebelious from day 1
2. do not fall first - this only ever lands you in trouble and him trotting off unscathed
3. head over heart, head over heart, head over heart
4. do not get fooled by your imagination - my imagination can fuck right off

So that's me for now. I will of of course be keeping you posted on my new challenge. I think this week is going to be tough so I will probably be doing lots of writing, sleeping and eating.

Well hello 2013 and hello resolutions

I have been AWOL these last couple of weeks. I blame Christmas, laziness and a boy. I would love to sit here and tell you all about my latest boy situ (and believe me, I have lots to write about) but truth be told I kind of don't want to. I'm kinda keeping it on the down low at the moment anyway, so writing it up on here for the whole entire world to see (if they really wanted to) would sort of put a stop to that.

With my own boy-bipolar off limits that only leaves my gal pals lives to catch you up on. However, it doesn't really seem fair to dish their dirt but not my own. So whilst the jury is out on what to tell you r.e. the boys in our lives I will instead write a New Year resolutions post.

I love New Year. I always look upon it as a time to reflect over the previous year and to look forward to all the amazing things that could happen in the one ahead. Obviously if you have had a pretty shitty year it's not so great to look back and reflect, but New Year is still the perfect time to put that all behind you and look to the future.

As I love New Year so much I obviously always plan resolutions. For the past couple of years I have tried to limit them to only 2 or 3; in the hope of increasing the odds of actually fulfilling them. Last year I resolved to realise that I simply cannot please everyone, that there will definitely be people I come across who don't like me no matter what I do. I think I actually completed this resolution. I couldn't give a monkey's if someone doesn't like me any more. In fact I quite like it - it's one less person I have to make all the effort with (e.g. attempt conversation, arrange to see). Quite simply Fuck 'em. I am quite happy to sit in an awkward environment for an entire evening if necessary. Just you dare me...

This year I have 2 resolutions.

Firstly I plan to take back up my childhood/teenage hobby of dancing. Yes yes, I know, I dance pretty much every Saturday night on the postagestamp sized grimmy floor of The Rose, but this doesn't really count. I actually mean a dance class. For 15 years I danced tap, ballet, modern and I also studied contemporary dance for A Level. Ok, so I didn't pass with an A* or anything (that's sort of why I didn't carry it on) but it was such a huge part of my life growing up. Now at the age of 25 it is nowhere to be seen in my sober life. I resolve to go back to lessons once a week, get moving a bit more and simply HAVE LOADS OF FUN (whilst learning some sexy new moves).

My second resolution for 2013 is to be less of bitch. When I have been talking to people about New Year resolutions it has been quite nice that most people have been surprised at this one, but I think these are the people who don't really know me too well. I can be a massive cow. Just horrible really, short, snappy, outspoken, opinionated etc. Don't get me wrong, all these personality traits do make me who I am but I think I am going to tone them down a little this year, bite my tongue a bit more and generally be a nicer person. Perhaps then I won't have to worry about my last years resolution.

Along with these there are the obvious ones; lose a few pounds, make this year the year I have that killer body, read more. These will be loitering in the background too. I am also planning on writing more on here so spread the word and keep checking back for updates. I promise to spill some boy beans.

Happy New Year!

I have a good excuse... promise!

Sincere apologies for my absence over the last week or so. I have been majorly swept away with all the Christmas festivities; work parties, lots of shopping, putting up my decs. I suppose you could also blame my absence on the completion of my Christmas Misson. Yep, that's right, I completed my mission to snog my crush and things are actually going quite well. I'm a bit reluctant to write about this one though. Firstly, I don't want to jump the gun (you know me, all or nothing) and secondly, what if he saw this?! Massive red face for me. I will give you some juice though, I've just got to be sketchy.

Blondie is doing well with her Christmas Mission. Even though we still need to clarify what exactly we meant by 'action' she is well into lot's of text-flirting with a boy from work. With her Christmas party happening this Saturday night, the term 'action' might have a very different meaning - here's hoping.

KK is very surprisingly struggling with her Christmas Mission to pull Italian Stallion. She was out last weekend but he wasn't. Good job though, she has since told me she was 'too drunk for the game anyway'. KK is on babysitting duties for her niece this weekend and therefore cannot accompany us to The Rose (which is open until 4 this Saturday night - absolute Rose 'till close). This means her only opportunity to complete her Christmas Mission will be next weekend. No pressure or anything KK.

So you want to know more about my crush? Well I'll give you a little juice. He is very cute, I am being very cool as a cucumber and we've been out a few times. We'll see, we'll see...

Christmas Missions

I've been a bit quiet this week. This crush situation has developed a little and I am trying my very hardest to keep my true neurotic-self from surfacing and generally fucking things up. Instead I am channelling the cool as a cucumber, confident girl I was in the beginning of this thing. After all, she gets much more attention from the boys than me.

The girls came round last week for Magic Mike night and it stirred so much emotion that we decided we needed to set ourselves missions to complete before Christmas. You know, to get the ball rolling on all this boy stuff. We have quite creatively titled these deadlines as our Christmas Missions.

KK's Christmas Mission: to get with the Italian Stallion she always sees out in town who she is majorly in lust with. She thinks he is 'out of her legue' but we think she's nuts.

Blondie's Christmas Mission: due to the of late dry spell for Blondie when it comes to anything boy we set her the simple mission of getting any action of any sort. 

My Christmas Mission: to snog my crush.

After our Rose free weekend last weekend KK is yet to get her mission underway (although she has undergone some FB stalking, obviously). She is being unusually shy with her Italian Stallion. I am thinking she will back on form this weekend though, think of all that pent up Game that needs releasing. Oh gosh.

Blondie on the other hand is doing quite well. As we were not so specific about the details of Blondie's mission we've come across a little grey area. Blondie has actually seen quite a bit of action this week, mainly number swapping, texting and work flirting, but action all the same. Therefore technically she has completed her Christmas Mission. I've said we need to reassess her mission and set some proper ground rules. Blondie has actually had a pretty good week and all this action comes after she was the ultimate wingman to me last Saturday night. She has been keeping us up to date with her action over our favourite from of communication - FB chat;
Omfgggggg omg omg that guy just walked into work with me and asked for my number arrrrrgh x

She continued to write;
Omg I'm actually cringing. The whole way into work I was just chatting away (like I do) and then when we got here he goes 'so I've been meaning to ask u something, are u single and can I get ur number' hahaha now I feel all awkward haha. He's quite hot actually.

Ever since then my FB inbox has been flashing constantly, full of updates from Blondie on this guy front. Plus she tells us she has had more interest from other guys at work;
Omg omg omg haha girls I think I am giving off vibes or something

 I think this all makes for a very interesting work Christmas do for Blondie in a couple of weekends time.

And my Christmas Mission? Well I'm working on, I'm working on it. It's only a snog - I do that most Saturday nights with randoms right? So it's gotta be easy (see how cool and breezy I am being? On the inside you know I am completely freaking out, doing cartwheels and giggling like a school girl in the highest possible pitch that can only be heard by really starving Lions of the Serengeti and birds).

I get pierced!

Don't panic, nothing too scary - just my upper ear, but by-god was I a wimp about it. I thought I was being wild and spontaneous; it wasn't even planned, I was just supposed to be accompanying Blondie. We visited KK at her place of work on Saturday afternoon, she works for a high steet jewellers that also pierces teenagers, and babies, teeny tiny ears. I was merely meant to be holding the bags whilst Blondie sat anxiously on the chair in the window. But after seeing Blondie act so cool and collected (at which I was very impressed) I thought; I need to be cool and spontaneous and get this done too.

After half an hour of persuasion from Blondie and KK, and a few random people loitering in the shop, I gave KK the green light and she butchered, erm I mean pierced my ear. It actually didn't hurt at all. I immediately regretted the massive fuss I had been making, hopped off the stool and began strutting around the shop thinking about cool I was. Shame another piercing wasn't on my 30 Things list.

Speaking of which I need to tick a few things off, perhaps I should make it my mission to do this by the end of the year. There are a few of which I am working on...

6. Ride a motorbike
A guy from the pub is a keen motorcyclist - he has said he would show me the ropes. I've just got to be proactive about it and take him up on the offer.

9. Snog a teenager - probably do this every Saturday night, oh well, snog thousands of teenagers?!
Well this still stands although I am probably right, I think I do this most Saturdays, but until I know for sure he is under 20 it will not count. Ah well, best keep on chatting up those young'uns.

16. Be confident with my body for once in my life - pose for naked snaps!
Who hasn't done this?! Perhaps I should take this a little further and vow to get them printed and posted all around my flat in the style of Kim Kardashian. I look just as good as her right?

20. Win money on the lottery - gotta be in it to win it
Involving myself in the syndicate at work for the Euromillions. We have actually won a little but nothing worthy of ticking this off the list for.

21. Give blood
The blood donation people were visiting my local area the other weekend. I did have a lengthy thinking session about it but concluded that it was too soon - I'm still too much of a wimp. Next time, I promise.

Our Research into The Game

If you have been hiding under a rock these past couple of months (or perhaps not read any of my previous posts) you might not be aware of the research myself and my fellow FPUAs have been undergoing. Since reading The Game by Neil Strauss we have been putting his tips and tricks into practise. Yes, his book is aimed at men picking up women but we have been exploring which practises can be transferred over to women picking up men and which cannot.

Since entering the world of the male PUA (pick up artist) we have learnt to recognise all those little games boys play when trying to get into your pants. It's quite fun because you can spot them anywhere; I can't watch a Hollywood rom-com without witnessing one or more of a PUAs move. Not only do we put into practise these methods but we also hold involuntary focus groups with the many boys we come across. Obviously they are completely unaware of their contribution to our research therefore making our work highly unethical. Oh well.

We have actually learnt a lot by just talking to these boys and everyone sharing their experiences. For instance, last weekend they appeared shocked when myself and KK were discussing our Friday night out, in which I told a story of approaching a guy on the dance floor. KK's Jumper Boy responded 'You actually go up to guys?', myself and KK replied 'Yea, of course. They don't come up to us!'. The boys carried on to explain that they have never had a girl come up to them on a night out. Strange. We now think it normal practise to approach a guy, although sometimes this doesn't really work out to plan... (if you are intrigued you might want to read about my epic fail last Friday evening; but be warned, it's quite a gruesome story).

It was also discussed a few weeks ago that some guys have exceptional high standards when it comes to their ladies now, mainly because of all the glossy images of nudy girls in the media and the perfectly formed private parts of porn stars. Funny, I never thought I would mention the phrase 'high standards' and 'perfect' in the same phrase as porn stars. Anyway, this was why I was a little shocked to come across this article on the Daily Mail today whilst munching on my cheese sandwich at lunchtime.

For those of you who do not know Tracey Cox, she is THE sexpert, appearing on highly intellectual TV programmes such as This Morning and Big Brother. In her latest blog post she explains why she believes men to prefer average looking women as opposed to hot ones, mainly because it makes them feel insecure. How odd? This goes completely against our findings. Perhaps we need to bring this up at our next focus group.

Other things we have learnt through discussing Game tactics with these boys are;
Bums are the new boobs - if the face is alright it goes boobs then bum, bum being the deal breaker
Some boys think about getting their GF's knocked up to keep them - it's true, one of them actually confessed to thinking about this
Sleeping with hookers is actually quite common - ok, so maybe not common but definitely the thing to do in Amsterdam
Nipples are a big issue - their own of course; too big, too small, too camouflaged

Game vs. no game

I meant to post this on Saturday but I think I was too shamed to finish the post, but here goes anyway. Be warned, please do not judge me...

Last night's antics are definitely worth a post. As usual Blondie and KK came and sat at the bar with a bottle of wine whilst I attempted to work at the pub. Whilst starting on their second bottle the idea of a spontaneous night out was discussed. My little brain went into overdrive; what time could I finish work? How would the girls get home? What the hell was I going to wear?

At 1030 I signed off my beer pulling duties and bundled the girls into my car. I sped home, stopping off at KK's and Blondie's to pick up heels and handbags. By 1130 we were in town.

To start with it was quite refreshing to be in town sober. Obviously it was a bit trickier to walk in the gigantic heels but it was quite interesting observing the drunk ones with a little bit of sober-smugness.

After swinging by the bar on our way in we headed to the dance floor. When I say the dance floor in the Rose I mean a tiny postage stamp sized raised area, crammed with drunk perverts and lots of 18 year old girls. Pretty much straight away I spotted DW but being sober I was quite clear headed about the whole situation. After his ignoring-me-but-saying-hello-to-the-girls move I smiled and waved, he responded by sticking his tongue out at me. Later, Blondie said this definitely was a sign that he wanted to do me.

Meanwhile, KK spotted that Jordan guy from last week. He came over at one point and attempted to get her attention by tapping her on the shoulder, KK completely ignored him. KK has great game. We boogied for a bit, KK kept insisting DW couldn't stop staring at my bum, a drunk Blondie completely oblivious to anything that was going on.

I was determined not to go up to him but his game is just too good. After a while I found myself alone on the dance floor so of course I headed over. Now, I think I am pretty quick witted and good with the banter, but oh no, not with him. I actually think he out witted me and that very rarely happens. After some flirty chit chat during which he referred to my knockers he gestured to the bar and said he was off to find his friends. Awkward.

A bit later on and back on the dance floor I found myself talking to a couple of other guys (not at the same time obviously, although that would demonstrate amazing game). The first guy started up convo by telling me I was 'a very confident women', something which I really wasn't feeling last night and the other confessed within the first 3 seconds of meeting him that he was 35 and had two children. Both these guys had no confidence and no game whatsoever, and of course I was just not interested. Thing is both guys were cute but cute just does not cut it, its gotta be hot!

In my vodka fuelled hazed I actually thought how ironic this situation was; I was like these two game-less men when it came to DW. I don't even know what's so great about him anyway, as KK pointed out he has an odd shaped nose. It's his game that I found myself totally attracted to.

Armed with a very false sense of confidence I marched straight up to DW, grabbed his arm and spun him round and said... nothing. He looked at me blankly and quite politely gestured that he hadn't heard me. Still I stood there and said nothing. Oh the shame. After about 3/4 minutes of this very awkward encounter (in front of all of his friends may I add) he said; "I'm just going for a piss, is this alright?". Oh it just got worse. I gestured something along the lines of "Oh yea, that's fine" and slunk off red faced back to the girls.

I tired telling my by now very drunk FPUA all about what had just happened but it wasn't really sinking in, so for dramatic effect I finished my story to them with "I just want to kill myself". Give me some credit though, I had the balls to stay until the end of the night and I avoided the drunk trip to the takeaway.

Saturday, I got to thinking about this game malarkey. It is so interesting. DW pulled many a Neil Straus move on me. Firstly he negged me; talking to both the girls but not me, then he did the trick of walking away for me to follow and quite obviously his best move was to completely ignore me to the point of which I think it is a fantastic idea to approach him first. Thing is, myself and my fellow FPUAs are unsure what now to do with our new fountain of knowledge. Do we play into the hands of these guys and their PUA skills, after all we are all after the same outcome or do we do the complete opposite and throw them off their game but risk missing out on an opportunity with this guy. The jury is still out. Perhaps we need to road test our options next weekend.

I am not going to lie. My game confidence took a little bit of a knock on Friday night and I was feeling a little battered. I had said to the girls that I was going to lay off it for a while whilst I restored my ego, but I found myself displaying amazing game at the pub yesterday. Don't they say your supposed to get right back on the horse?

A bit of background information

With this blog in it's early stages of conception, I've been relying on the opinions of my friends to let me know if my ramblings are genuinely interesting. I've been told they sort of are.

One of my work colleges, who I shall refer to as Brooke (she requested this pseudonym - I think she's guna like it). Well anyway, Brooke said that she wants to read more about me. Funny that, I thought I was always quite good at telling people all about myself. I thought perhaps what I need to write is a scene-setting post. So here goes.

I guess I should start back at 16. I suppose I was a typical teenager; obsessed about finding a boyfriend, worrying about what colour Barcadi Breezer to take to Ed's party at the weekend and full of teenage angst about being fat or ugly;

1st July 2003
The past three weeks have gone really well on the diet front. I've lost 9 pounds. But you have to take the time of day into account and Dad just came back from the Esso - I persuaded him to get me a Curly Wurly! Argh! Now it lays beside me, what to do?! Everyday I say I'll go on a bike ride but I keep forgetting. Tomorrow I will DEFINITELY go on the bike ride whilst listening to Busted. See how many songs I can bike for.

When I was about 18 I landed my first boyfriend and it was love. Mr Reliable was everything the parents could wish for; smart, sensible, cheeky, a little bit rich. Don't get me wrong that was everything I wished for too, but I hadn't thought about what would happen when we both moved away to University and met lots of new interesting people. March 2007, first year of Uni, age 20 we split up.

Monday 22nd January 2007
I really feel awful saying this because it feels if I say it it becomes true. I kind of feel weird with Mr Reliable. I kind of feel I need more fun and passion! Everything seems to have become a bit of a drag... I find myself wanting to talk and dance with guys and generally have fun! ...But don't get me wrong, I do really care for him, he will be really upset, it's not like I want to dump him but just see where he is at.

 My young, free Uni days were not that wild. In fact, they were far from wild. Nothing too naughty to report other than many a drunken night on Asda own vodka and a few end of the night snogs. I did make some really good friends though, most of which are still in my life (there's a lot more to this story - definitely needs it's own post). I did become a little naughty when I hit 21 though. I met Mr Rebellious. He was everything the parents did not wish for; an unreliable, little bit dodgy, pot head. Unfortunately for them this was everything I had wished for; it was lust.

Wednesday 7th January 2009...
Speaking of Mr Rebellious it's all pretty weird. He came over a bit over crimbo, met the folks etc. Mother wasn't too impressed! Had fun though over the past few weeks so can't be that bad. Thing is I like spending time with him and stuff but I can't really see things going anywhere he really isn't the sort of person I can have a relationship with, we kind of come from different worlds.

Nearly two years of on-again off-again and I was finally done with Mr Rebellious. It sort of coincided with finishing Uni and starting my 'proper' job. I think I actually thought I should grow up and out of this dysfunctional relationship. Plus he went a bit strange in the end, moving away to live with his Dad then struggled with some mental health issues. Obviously this had nothing to do with all the weed. I spent the next year dealing with my broken heart, just to get it broken again by someone I thought was my best friend (again, this probably needs it's own post). But some amazing stuff happened too; I got my car and I got my flat.

This sort of brings me up-to-date. 25 and making the most of being young, free and single, and sort of making up for those wild times I was too silly not to take advantage of at Uni. I have met some really good friends who are the most un-judgemental people I have probably ever met and yes, we enjoy a drink on a Saturday night. As I hope you have gathered I do not sleep around, it's just not really my thing, but at the moment I am loving getting myself out there and meeting some interesting and not so interesting boys. As I said to my Mum tonight; I am just making the most of being young!